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Post by lorelai anchors on Jul 29, 2010 15:39:28 GMT -5
 THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )I wasn’t feeling spectacularly well. I never usually did, but I was even more off than usual. Perhaps it was the approaching auditions for New Directions that Rachel Berry had gone and convinced me to sign up for, the reason my stomach had been twisting up in knots for the past twenty four hours, but it was uncomfortable and I nearly decided to skip school. It was too early in the year, unfortunately, for me to start missing days; I’d miss them quite enough later on. Even the past year when I was held in the house as punishment for my recklessness, I found there were days I could hardly get out of bed. Whoever had been the one to pass around HIV was already pretty sick, apparently, with the virus already starting to mutate. It was, therefore, progressing quickly through me, and I was afraid of what would happen if I felt this sick already. The fatigue, the nausea, the depression -- that was just the beginning. There would be countless more nights of falling asleep on the bathroom floor, and once the HIV progressed to AIDS, then those nights would slowly turn into hospital visits until finally God took mercy on me and offed me. Death, that was inevitable; the doctors told me they didn’t expect me to live for much longer than a decade, if that. I was afraid, still. Afraid of never living a normal life -- of course, there was no hope for that. I shouldn’t even try.
So why was I bothering with New Directions? It wouldn’t make a difference in my life. I’d still be known as that failure who didn’t have the grades to make it to college, didn’t have the strength to get a normal career. Mom and Dad already told me they didn’t want me living in the house after graduation. I’d been enough of a burden and I understood that in full. But I was scared. I didn’t know what I was going to do.
I figured that the angst was originating from the fact that I wasn’t feeling well today, and while I probably should have called off work, Wednesdays were slow (until the seven o’clock bowling league rush) and I needed the money. Barry was relatively relaxed, anyways, when it came to his employees. So I made the trip from William McKinley to the bowling alley around three o’clock that afternoon, immediately pulling my curls back into a neat pony tail.
“Hi,” I greeted quietly as the boss rounded the corner, and I offered him a soft smile. At least the people I worked with were nice. I wasn’t so nervous around them, and their presence helped me get through “what can I get you” and “that will be 3.29” without stuttering. Apparently customers didn’t like it when you stuttered too much when merely trying to give them the price. I didn’t think anyone liked how nervous I got around new people, but I suppose I couldn’t help it. No one here really attempted to strike up small talk while waiting for their orders, which was nice.
“Hey Lore,” the other returned cheerfully, smiling and waving. He was always so enthusiastic. “It’s been a pretty slow day so far.”
[/I] “Has it?” I asked blindly, though it was always slow during the day. “Well, I’m sure it’ll pick up.” It always does. I took a seat on a stool off to the side, crossing one leg over the other, and waited for someone to need assistance. [/blockquote][/blockquote][/size] THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • )[/center] W O R D S • 588
T A G G E D • jesse st. james
O U T F I T • click!
L Y R I C S • memories by lion if ido
T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION
N O T E S • hope this is okay! sort of rambly.
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Post by Jesse St. James on Jul 30, 2010 22:23:59 GMT -5
"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away."
BAM!
Another strike. Jesse's friends were undeniably good bowlers. They weren't friends, he reminded himself. Just peers. They weren't true friends. They didn't want to hear about his life. They didn't want to hear about how miserable he'd been lately. They knew he was off his game, lately, they just didn't care why.
They were fair-weather friends. If he belted well that day, they were friendly and encouraging. If he faltered, they gave him
the cold shoulder. They really didn't care about him. They just cared about what he could do for them, how he could rocket them forward in their popularity. They just enjoyed using him. That was all.
Rachel never did that.
He sat back and watched as the other members of Vocal Adrenaline laughed and talked with each other. Glee outings were not his favorite. They existed to create community and friendships- which, he had none of.
They didn't really seem to understand what Glee was all about. It was about friendship, family. It was about music and learning to express yourself. Whether the McKinley Glee club had won the trophy or not, they still understood Glee club and how life-changing it could be.
He'd learned so much from them. He'd learned about how fun Glee club could be. How it was almost healing.
Vocal Adrenaline, was nothing like New Directions.
He stood up and walked around, running a hand over a few of the bowling balls on the rack next to him. As he leaned up against the holding rack, he noticed a girl there. His heart jumped a little. She was from McKinley.
Yes, he remembered her. They'd never met, but he remembered her eyes. They were a striking blue. He'd never gotten around to telling her how pretty he thought her eyes were.
And now...now he could.
As he walked over to her slowly, he wondered if he was just giving himself a reason to hurt. McKinley High meant Rachel. Was he simply giving himself an excuse to open up the already bleeding wound? Was he trying to get a chance to vent about how upset he was?
He didn't know. But as he reached her, her realized that he genuinely did want to know her. Whether she would feel the same, he didn't know. By now, all of McKinley had probably heard of how terrible he'd been to Rachel. Maybe she'd hate him too.
"Hello there," He said, smiling, as he approached the counter. "You're from McKinley High, right?"
Tag: Lorelai
Words:416
Song: Special- Wilshire
Notes: No worries. It's good. :]
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Post by lorelai anchors on Jul 31, 2010 0:35:41 GMT -5
THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )As soon as I heard the voice, I began to panic. Not because of who the voice belonged to, since I had yet to look up to see who it was, but because they were starting up conversation with me. That was a definite cue that they wanted me to talk to them, and I wasn’t sure what to do. I mean, obviously, the polite thing would have been to respond and further the chat, but with my social skills, it simply wasn’t that easy. Finally, I looked up, my gaze settling on the boy’s face -- that didn’t settle my nerves any.
I’d never met Jesse St. James (until now), but I’d heard stories. I wasn’t sure how many of them were true considering I wasn’t at school for most of his stay, but from what I had heard he’d left a pretty negative imprint on New Directions and, more specifically, Rachel Berry. Rachel was one of my few friends, and while we weren’t particularly close, I didn’t like the thought of anyone doing harm of any sort to her, physically or emotionally. I heard the story of how he tricked her and broke her heart, how he and the rest of the Vocal Adrenaline clan had even egged her, and I didn’t know how he could even stand to be so cruel.
But they were only rumors and I’d learned that I couldn’t believe everything I heard. After all, those few who had bothered to notice my disappearance from school the year prior had seemed to accredit it to a mental breakdown, which really wasn’t the truth. I guess it was good that I hadn’t been found out, and there were worse things people could have assumed, but all in all not everything floating around school was true. I kept that in mind and focused on the fact that I was scared shitless of the impending conversation as I rose to my feet, figuring it would be sort of rude to continue sitting.
Maybe? I didn’t know. I was terrible.
Taking a deep breath to try and calm myself down, I averted my gaze down to the counter and nodded feebly. “I-I… Y-yes,” I stumbled out, clearing my throat to try and calm my nerves a bit. This allowed me to force a small smile, attempting it to be friendly, and I quickly reached up to push my bangs out of my eyes quickly. I had to say something else; something to try and not seem so pathetic. “I’m, uhm, L-Lorelai. And… Y-you’re Jesse S-St. James, right? I’m p-pretty sure I, uh, saw you last y-year a couple of times.”
A moment passed before I gathered myself together enough to finish, "Can I get you something?"
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • ) W O R D S • 458
L Y R I C S • memories by lion if ido
T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION
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Post by Jesse St. James on Aug 3, 2010 23:48:23 GMT -5
"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away." [/color] "Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."
- - -
She seemed jittery, as though she either hated to talk to strangers or she hated talking to him. Or both. It set back a little bit, but he had expected that anyone who had anything close to a good heart wouldn't want to talk to him. The rumors must've been worse than he thought. It angered him that rumors would keep him from redeeming himself towards McKinley's glee club.
Her face seemed to read more than that. He knew that Rachel was acquaintances with Lorelai and perhaps good friends. He wouldn't blame her if she hated him. It was what any good friend would do. Heck, he'd hate him if he was her.
She was silent. Unnervingly silent. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to come over to speak with her.
She rose to her feet silently, slowly, cautiously. “I-I… Y-yes,” She stumbled over the words as they spilled out of her mouth. She smiled, but it seemed fake. A hand reached up to brush the bangs out of her face. “I’m, uhm, L-Lorelai. And… Y-you’re Jesse S-St. James, right? I’m p-pretty sure I, uh, saw you last y-year a couple of times.”
He wanted to reach across the counter and grab her hands and assure her that she could relax around him, that he was no one to impress, no one who would mock her or scoff at her. He just wished that she wouldn't shake or seem so worried. Something in him longed to just calm her down, help her breathe for a moment.
He smiled, trying to calm her down. "Uh, yes. That was me. I'm sure you probably haven't heard such good things about me." he muttered, shrugging his shoulders a bit. "I'm sure the rumors are all around McKinley, aren't they?"
He took a seat at the bar and nodded. "Yes please. Can I have a medium coke?" He leaned over the counter and took out his wallet.
"So, how's McKinley?" He asked. "How is everyone?"
Tag: Lorelai
Words:331
Song: Wihlshire- Special
Notes: |
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Post by lorelai anchors on Aug 4, 2010 13:49:10 GMT -5
THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )I watched this Jesse St. James as he responded to me, and I frowned as he immediately brought attention to the rumors that were circulating around William McKinley, which concerned him. I sort of felt bad, afraid that he thought I was rude by stuttering, thought it was, perhaps, him. It wasn’t, not for the most part, and as I realized the bad impression I was sure I was making, my stomach twisted into an uncomfortable knot. I didn’t like upsetting anyone or giving anyone the wrong impression, so I decided I had to calm down. A few deep breaths and a mental pep talk did the trick, so I managed a slightly more genuine smile, though it was more sympathetic than anything.
“Sort of, yeah,” I responded with a slight shrug, biting my lip. “But… Some of the rumors are pretty outrageous so I just decided not to believe any of them. I don’t really like to believe rumors. The ones going around about me, and there are a few, aren’t true, so I have no right to go believe everything I hear. I haven’t heard anything from Rachel or anyone else in New Directions, so… I mean, don’t worry. At least there’s one person who has a pretty unbiased opinion, right?” I was surprised by how quickly I was managing to get a grip on my nerves. Usually I would have never been able to get through that speech.
When I saw him pulling out his wallet after his order, I decided this was my opportunity to make up for earlier, if I had made him feel uncomfortable or if I had given him the wrong impression. Holding up my hand, I smiled softly. “On the house.” I reached down to pull out a medium cup, walking over to the soda fountain to fill it with his ordered soda. I set it in front of him when I finished, placing a straw next to the cup before sitting back down.
“McKinley is… McKinley,” I shrugged, wrinkling my nose. “It’s the same. People still throwing Slushies at the losers, tossing people in dumpsters, same old. And people are alright, I guess. I’m assuming that you mainly mean Rachel, though. She seems good, all things considering.”
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • ) W O R D S • 385
L Y R I C S • memories by lion if ido
T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION
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Post by Jesse St. James on Aug 5, 2010 20:23:38 GMT -5
"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away." [/color] "Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."
- - -
It was as though she was suddenly calm, allowing him to relax. He managed a smile. "Well good. I'm glad that I have at least one person who doesn't make split second judgments," His smile faded. "But I wouldn't blame them. It's not like I was very good to Rachel anyways....Not what she deserved. Do you know Rachel at all?" He asked, hoping to hear about the girl he still loved. He'd have to make sure she didn't think he was spying for Vocal Adrenaline. It might appear that way. But he wouldn't do that again. And Shelby, his coach, knew that.
His face contorted into confusion. "You? Don't get me wrong. I just don't understand why anyone would want to make up rumors about someone like you?" He said this not realizing how bad it could've sounded.
When he pulled out his wallet, she smiled and held up a hand. "On the house."
He paused. "Wow. Really? Are you sure?" He asked, smiling a little.
As he shoved the straw in his cup, he listened to her describing McKinley. Good old McKinley. "Sound's like it hasn't changed a bit," He said, smiling fondly. He sighed a little. "I really miss that place."
Rachel. Even the mention of her hurt. He looked up at Lorelai in earnest. "You're right. I was asking about her. I guess you could say that I miss her. The things that I did to her weren't fair. I just...really want her back. Or at least to redeem myself in her eyes. I was wrong...so wrong."
He smiled fondly. "I'm glad she's alright. Truly. I am." His smile faltered a bit. She was happy. But she was a good actress. And he needed to know for sure. And, in the deepest part of his heart, he knew he would never be able to let it go until he had done everything in his power to tell her how sorry he was and how he still felt.
Tag: Lorelai
Words:330
Song: Special- Wilshire
Notes: Just so you know, I'll be away for two or three days. So, I won't be able to reply until I get back. Have a great weekend!  |
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Post by lorelai anchors on Aug 6, 2010 20:55:41 GMT -5
THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )I watched him, and realized that he definitely wasn’t the man that he had seemed like before. I’d watched him walk the halls of William McKinley with confidence, perhaps enough to the point of arrogance, but he was sitting right there in front of me, conversing kindly with me and saying how glad he was that I hadn’t gone and judged him based on rumors alone. I guess you really can’t judge a book by its cover. But he went on, then, about how he’d been horrible to Rachel, and I wondered if any of the rumors I had heard had been true. I would, perhaps, inquire about that later on. I decided to answer the question he asked first, and with a slight smile I nodded. “We aren’t great friends or anything, but we’re friends. Definitely. I’ve known since we were little, really. We took voice lessons together. We lost touch, though, once I stopped, but… We recently met up again and everything.” Biting my lip, I glanced down momentarily, rocking back and forth on my feet. “Would you mind… M-mind if I, uhm, asked what did happen? I keep hearing all of these rumors but I don’t know what to believe.”
When he expressed surprise that anyone would make rumors about me, I blushed slightly and shrugged. I suppose it would be unexpected. As far as he could see, I was merely a girl who stayed in the background as much as I possibly could and stuttered when I first met people. But he hadn’t been around before, when I was always high at school, when I was pulled out and shoved off to rehab. “I… Well, some things… Happened,” I mumbled with a frown, “And people… Took it out of context, I guess. N-nothing important, of course.” I reached up to ruffle my bangs, busying myself otherwise, and pushed the strands out of my eyes. With a nod, I relaxed again, offering him a gentle smile. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
I frowned. He missed McKinley? He missed Rachel? This was all so contradicting to what I was used to hearing. Clearing my throat, I shuffled my left foot uncomfortably over the floor, biting my bottom lip. It was weird, sort of, how he started to open up to me like that. “Then… Then why did you leave?” I asked quietly, looking up at him curiously. I didn’t know the whole story, so really, as far as I could see, he had no legitimate reason for leaving like he did. “And.. Why did you do anything to her if… If you still liked her? I’m s-sorry if I’m asking too much, I guess I just…” Pausing, I tugged on the hem of my dress uncomfortably. “I know about making mistakes. Trust me. But I guess I’m just trying to understand why you did make those mistakes, you know? I’m probably missing a lot to the story, but… I don’t know. I’m sorry. It’s not my place to get involved.”
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • ) W O R D S • 522
L Y R I C S • memories by lion if ido
T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION
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Post by Jesse St. James on Aug 10, 2010 19:52:53 GMT -5
"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away." [/color] "Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."
- - -
He smiled as she described the relationship between Lorelai. He could imagine the two of them, so young in voice lessons. Rachel would be dressed to the t, probably outdoing everyone with that self important look on her face, so worried about her career already. And little Lorelai probably would've been so shy, so quiet. He grinned a little at the thought.
His smile faded. "I guess. Well." He looked up at her, met her eyes and then his eyes fell down to his drink. "Ms Coccran, my teacher, thought that it would be fun to get into Mr. Shuester's head. So, she had me transfer to McKinley so I could join the glee club. At the same time," he explained "she wanted to get in touch with Rachel, who is her biological daughter."
"So, she had me get close to Rachel so that I could help her find out who her mother was. The plan went just fine, except for the fact that Rachel and I had developed a thing for each other. It wasn't too much of anything in my mind. But then, suddenly. I realized how special Rachel was. And just how great the glee club was. And I felt at home and accepted. Sure, Vocal Adrenaline was more talented, but the New Directions were a family. They were there for each other. They helped me realize," He said, smiling distantly. "just how important that is. They helped me realize what Glee was all about."
He sighed. "And then Ms. Coccran told me that my place in glee would be forfeit if I didn't re-transfer. I was pressured into trashing the Glee room and into egging Rachel. I did it all out of fear, I guess. Staying with Vocal Adrenaline was the safe choice. I did it, because I was afraid of loosing what I was used to, even if that really wasn't as great as many would think."
He shrugged and met her gaze finally. "So...thats how it went. I made a mistake. And I'm paying for it."
Frowning, he asked "What sort of things? If you don't mind me asking." He chuckled bitterly. "I know how that goes. People have a bad habit of doing that. I'm sorry though, that they have to do it to you," he said sincerely.
A grin spread onto his face. "Thanks, Lorelai."
“Then… Then why did you leave?”
He locked eyes with her. "I've been asking myself the same question ever since I left. I left because I was scared to loose the things I was used to. I was scared to move onto something new, something risky, something that might've not worked out in the end. And I've been regretting it ever since."
He sighed. "I don't know. I think the fact that all my friends were pressuring me into it...I just...I did it for all the wrong reasons. I hated myself for it, but maybe I did it to earn the respect of my fellow glee members. They all were pretty hard on me for falling in love with her. But...I know now how wrong I was."
He smiled. "No. It's fine. I'm glad that I get to talk about it. And please, ask all the questions you want."
Tag: Lorelai
Words:542
Song: Special- Wilshire
Notes: |
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Post by lorelai anchors on Aug 11, 2010 2:24:28 GMT -5
THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )As Jesse started in on his explanation as to what happened between himself and Rachel, I sat down on the stool I’d been seated on when he first approached, biting my lip in concentration. I nodded periodically, frowning as he mentioned that Ms. Corcoran was Rachel’s biological mother. How had that gone down? I knew that Rachel’s fathers were both gay, but I didn’t think she’d ever have any interest in knowing her real mom. I wouldn’t know, of course, considering we’d only just met back up, but it didn’t seem as though she’d want to bother with that kind of drama. I wondered if she ever found out. He never touched base again on that plotline in his story summary, and it was rather unsettling. Was she okay? Did she get hurt along the way? Did she and Ms. Corcoran unite and are now bonding together? It didn’t seem that easy. Rachel never brought it up. But I didn’t feel like it was my place to ask, so as usual, I wouldn’t, and I’d sit and wonder for ages until someone told me in passing.
I frowned when he mentioned precisely what he had done. So, the rumors about the choir room trashing and the egging were true; better than the one about him pushing her naked into a pit of eggs, as someone had mentioned in passing. I immediately knew that one wasn’t true, but I wasn’t sure what was. I guess it was just good that he was regretting it all, and that he was aware that he made some mistakes. I knew about that. But before I could comment on anything else, he was asking about what kind of things happened, and my eyes widened slightly.
“I-I, uhm… A l-lot of things, I guess,” I stammered, shifting uncomfortably on the stool, “One thing led to another and I was, uhm, pulled out of school f-for awhile. People made up their, uhm, own opinions on why that happened. Most common is the assumption that I’d had a mental break down, which I didn’t. No.” Shaking my head, I bit my lip and shrugged. “But th-thanks. It’s okay, though. In retrospect, I deserve it all, even if they don’t know the truth. Can’t blame them, though. No one really knows, so it’s to be expected that they’d make things up.”
I shrugged, switching the subject quickly back to him. “I know what it’s like to make mistakes,” I stated simply, “And I know what it’s like to make those mistakes based on peer pressure. Trust me, no one knows that better than I do. But… It’s not too late to fix it.” No, it wasn’t too late, because he’d just hurt some feelings on the way. Feelings that could be fixed, relationships and friendships that could be repaired. But me, I had a disease that was going to kill me before I was thirty. There was really no getting back from that. “Have you… Have you said any of this to, uhm, Rachel? Or anyone else from New Directions? Maybe you can start to fix everything.” I glanced over to make sure he still had enough soda left, then folded my hands in my lap. No one else was coming up for food; I had an extremely easy job.
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • ) W O R D S • 582
L Y R I C S • memories by lion if ido
T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION
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Post by Jesse St. James on Aug 13, 2010 16:54:12 GMT -5
"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away." [/color] "Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."
- - -
“I-I, uhm… A l-lot of things, I guess. One thing led to another and I was, uhm, pulled out of school f-for awhile. People made up their, uhm, own opinions on why that happened. Most common is the assumption that I’d had a mental break down, which I didn’t. No. But th-thanks. It’s okay, though. In retrospect, I deserve it all, even if they don’t know the truth. Can’t blame them, though. No one really knows, so it’s to be expected that they’d make things up.”
She seemed nervous again and right when he thought he'd put her at ease. He tensed a little, trying to sound very attentive and understanding. He hated for people to feel intimidated or uncomfortable, unless, of course, he wanted to them to.
He nodded. "Well thats unfortunate. I don't know why people do that sometimes. I guess people jump to conclusions," he said. "It's natural, I guess. But, still. Not so fair."
He paused, rethinking on what she had said. "You deserve it?" He didn't like the sound of that. Of course not everyone was as confident as he was. And of course, not everyone had a healthy self-esteem. But he didn't believe that she deserved to be talked about behind her back. "How do you figure that?" He asked.
He nodded. "You're right. Ms. Pillsbury said the same thing. I'm going to try to meet with Mr. Shuester and see if I can apologize to him, and then hopefully maybe I can formally apologize to all of them. But...we'll see.." He said. He looked up and smiled at her. "And you know, it's not too late for you either."
Tag: Lorelai
Song: Special- Wilshire
Notes: |
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Post by lorelai anchors on Aug 14, 2010 3:10:21 GMT -5
THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )I could only shrug when Jesse said that it was unfortunate that people jumped to conclusions. “I guess they had to think something,” I responded sheepishly, “It’s not as though they were going to just sit around and wonder. I think it’s just something people do without thinking, make up their own assumptions about things they don’t know about so they don’t get too curious about it. I guess I’d rather them make up their own ideas about what happened than having people come ask me.” I winced, then, as he caught wind at what I said and backtracked to question me. He didn’t understand, but at the same time, I certainly couldn’t expect him to. “How do I figure? Well… I made mistakes. A lot of them, repeatedly, and I knew they were mistakes. So I got what was coming to be, really.” And I truly believed that. I was sure that voicing specifics would make me sound crazy, make people tell me that I didn’t really deserve it but they didn’t understand. No, every bit of it was my own damn fault and that was that.
I was relieved when the subject turned back to his situation with Rachel, and I nodded with a small smile as he listed his first course of action to fix things. “Good, I think that’ll be good. I really hope your talk with Mr. Schuester goes well. I’m pretty sure he’s a good teacher, right? He should accept your apology and then maybe he’ll help you fix things with everyone else.” My smile faded when he told me I could fix my own mistakes, and I let out a quick bitter chuckle. “No, no. I’m pretty sure that, uhm, ship is sailed. Your… Your mistake was bad, but it can be fixed. It’s physically impossible for mine to get better. Worse, yes, but not better.”
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • ) W O R D S • 328
L Y R I C S • memories by lion if ido
T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION
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Post by Jesse St. James on Aug 19, 2010 16:52:30 GMT -5
"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away." [/color] "Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."
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Jesse could not, for the life of him, understand why life could be so cruel. Especially to someone like Lorelai. She was so sweet and kind. She didn't deserve such treatment. He frowned. "What sort of mistakes? I'm not sure anything I can think of would warrant that." He felt as though it was almost an injustice. A wrong he wished he could somehow make right. It wasn't his business, he knew. But, still. He felt like it wasn't fair that Lorelai had no one to protect her. Of course, Lorelai could take care of herself. But, in times when she couldn't, who would be there for her? Who would stop the rumors and keep Lorelai from being ridiculed. He frowned. He could only hope Rachel had caught wind of it. She would do something. He felt sure of it.
He played around with his straw, stirring his soda a little. "So...do you have any hobbies? Anything to keep your mind off the rumors? Like...orchestra or soccer or something?"
His face was grim. "I hope so. I just...I'm not sure. I know that they'll hear me out, but I just don't know if they'll forgive me." Again, he frowned, unsure of how anyone could do something so bad. He just wished she could understand what it meant to care about oneself well enough to forgive yourself. But, then again. Who was he to talk?
Tag: Lorelai
Song: Shining- Kristian Leontiou
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Post by lorelai anchors on Aug 20, 2010 1:10:18 GMT -5
THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )I didn’t really know what to say when he asked me what kind of mistakes I made. I didn’t want to make him mad by refusing to answer. That was one hell of a flaw I seemed to have; the ability to refuse someone something they wanted. If I could give it to them, I would. That included answers, but I didn’t really know how to say it. I felt it would be wrong to just come out with it. It was random and he probably would wish I never said anything to begin with. Perhaps I could just be vague. Give him the exact reason why I couldn’t fix it, and then he’d stop pressing. Or maybe he’d get more curious. I’d have to risk that. “I’ll leave it at this,” I began, lowering my gaze to the soda he was stirring around before continuing, “I’m probably not going to live to see my 30’s. Those kinds of mistakes.”
I nodded firmly and silently thanked God that he moved to talk about hobbies. I had a couple of those. “Music. I’ve been playing the banjo since I was six, and the piano since age ten. And… Rachel’s sort of pushed me to audition for New Directions. I probably didn’t get in, I’m not the greatest with vocals, but… It’s hard to tell her ‘no’, so I did it anyways.” I sighed, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “What about you? Other than performing, that is.”
I frowned as he continued on about how he wasn’t sure they’d forgive him. “At least you know they’ll hear you out,” I spoke, trying to get him to look ‘on the bright side’ of the situation, “It’s a start. And you never know, they might. You’ll just have to try a lot. Figure out what you plan to say and then say it, but make sure it’s all the truth. You might be a good actor, but they’ll know. I’m sure of it.” I nodded, hoping that would help him some. I truly hoped things worked out well for him in the end. He deserved it. Through everything, the guy sounded like he had a pretty good heart.
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • ) W O R D S • 390
L Y R I C S • memories by lion if ido
T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION
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Post by Jesse St. James on Aug 27, 2010 14:27:38 GMT -5
"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away." [/color] "Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."
- - -
Jesse had a hard time feeling like Lorelai could've done something that awful that she would be ridiculed for it. People made all sorts of mistakes, but kids were cruel these days. He wondered if she felt like it was worse than it was. But, she didn't seem the type. She seemed to have a firm grip on reality. So, maybe it was true. Maybe she really did have a secret, dark past. It bothered him that someone who seemed that innocent had to go through things that she didn't deserve. Why did things like this have to happen to people like her? It didn't seem fair.
“I’m probably not going to live to see my 30’s. Those kinds of mistakes.”
The words hit him hard. She only had a few years to live. So, she had a terminal illness. It pained him. The poor girl. Since when was this fair? Was it chronic or had she received it through some sort of human contact like saliva? He couldn't imagine her being the sort of girl to get a sexually transmitted illness. But, maybe he was wrong. Either way, he didn't like it. It felt like watching an injustice that he couldn't stop. Why her? Out of all of the people, why her?
He frowned, visibly pained. "I...I'm sorry. Thats not fair. Is there anything that can be done? Does anyone else know?" He wanted to help instantly. He couldn't do much, but, he would sit there with her at the doctor's if he had to. She had trusted him and he would not let her down. He'd made the same mistake before, with Rachel. He wouldn't ever do the same. Especially not to Lorelai. He would talk to her on the phone at three in the morning if she needed to talk. He had to do something.
He grinned. The banjo? This girl was interesting for sure. She was not just another cheerio. She was more than that. "The banjo? I'm thoroughly impressed. How long have you been playing?" He looked down at the table and smiled a little. "Ah yes. The determination of Rachel. It's impossible to ignore." His smile grew bright. "But, thats perfect! I know you'll get in. New Directions is the perfect place for you. You need a family right now, and they can totally give you the support you need." He was happy for her, although he tried his hardest to ignore the aching inside his chest. He deeply missed New Directions.
He nodded. "Yes. I'm going to try. It'll be hard...but I have to do this. I need to do this." He was thankful that she seemed to find hope in the situation. He was grateful that she felt hopeful. Because he knew New Directions and they were all very stubborn. They were just like a family. They had reluctantly invited him in and now that he'd scorned them, they were unforgiving, cold. He knew that they'd probably let him talk. But, forgiveness would not come so easy.
Tag: Lorelai
Song: Shining- Kristian Leontiou
Notes: |
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Post by lorelai anchors on Aug 29, 2010 23:19:52 GMT -5
THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )I was really starting to regret uttering those words to Jesse. I had no intentions on elaborating into specific details unless he asked, which meant his mind, just as the minds of everyone at William McKinley, was free to wander and assume as he pleased. I knew that when one assumed, they made an ass out of themselves (or so the saying went) but I couldn’t really blame him. Making up your own answers to all questions you had made things easier, and as they say, ignorance is bliss. So perhaps he’d be fine with that piece of information, and I wouldn’t have to go on. Maybe he’d think something better than the truth, which I was alright with, because I knew that he wouldn’t think of me so highly if he knew. I would be the first to admit it; I didn’t look like a former drug addict. Sure, I was skinny and had bags under my eyes but that was just as easily credited to a good diet and a lack of sleep. The latter wasn’t a lie, especially as of late, and I didn’t eat too much at all these days, but I looked… Innocent. I also didn’t look like a whore, which was good, because that was something I had never been. Sure, I’d had drunken make out sessions when I was pushed into it by someone even more drunk than I was, but I was a virgin. So I didn’t know what sorts of things he’d be able to make up, but I assumed that what he would come up with would be a hell of a lot better than the truth. He didn’t ask, so I assumed that was the case.
I frowned at the look on his face. He looked as though this effected him; it shouldn’t have. It was my own fault, through and through, and no one else should give it another thought. I bit my lip nervously, tugging at the hem of my dress. “Oh, no, it’s very fair,” I responded simply, with a nod. “The entire thing is my fault. I don’t want to go into details, but I… It really is my fault. And no, nothing can be done. The deal is pretty much sealed, so there’s no use fighting it. And Rachel knows, and my family, but that’s all.” I shrugged and looked down -- I really shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. I just kept making one mistake after another. When would I stop being so bloody stupid?
The smile returned to my face -- music, that was a topic I was completely comfortable with. “No one’s really been impressed by the banjo before. Well, I have, but I’m… Well, me. I’ve been playing since I was six. My parents wanted me to take up an instrument after I quit voice lessons, so they took me to a music store. They kept trying to push classical things on me. The piano, the violin. But I saw the banjo and I puppy dog eyed my way into getting it, with the promise that I’d pick up the piano when I was ten. I love the piano, though, so it worked out well.” I nodded, tapping a finger absentmindedly on the counter. “Do you play any musical instruments?” My smile faded ever so slightly when he told me that I belonged in New Directions. “Maybe. I don’t really fit in many places, and not a whole lot of them like me, really. But… It’s something, right?” I just kept having to tell myself that. It was something.
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • ) W O R D S • 625
L Y R I C S • memories by lion if ido
T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION
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