*memories; they take you back (open)

[quinnfabray]

I hate feeling lost and alone. I hate that feeling of having no control whatsoever about anything that’s going on and the inability to stop things from happening. I’m feeling extremely depressed right now, and the only two things on my mind are Puck and Beth, with a small side of Shelby mixed in. I wonder if she’s happy- Beth, I mean. Is Shelby being a good mother? Is Beth laughing a lot and smiling? Is she doing a better job than I would? Today is not a good day for me. I feel this way every day, sure; but today the feelings are stronger than usual. It’s not a good day.

Grabbing my bag from the floor of my room, I head outside to my car.

“I’m going out! I’ll be back later!” I call as I exit the house.

The faint sound of Mrs. Jones’ voice echoes back from the kitchen. “Alright honey! Stay safe!”

“I will!” That’s one of the best things about living with Mercedes and her family. They make it obvious that they care about me but let me have the space and freedom I so desperately need. The thing is, right now I know I need something else. I’m just not sure what it is.

The drive to Rinky Dinks Cabaret Roller Rink is a short one and once I pull into a parking space I head inside to rent out a pair of skates. I don’t know why I keep coming here, but it’s a good place to go when I need to get away without the constant worry of someone I know finding me. Ever since Glee Club came here all that time ago back when April Rhodes owned the place I felt a weird calm come over me, so I’ve made it a point to come back whenever I need some time for myself.

I slip on the skates and leave my shoes and bag under a chair that I can keep my eye on while I move around. My phone is slid into the pocket of my dress, just in case, and I set off on the floor. I have no idea why skating is such a cleansing activity for me. Maybe because it’s real physical exercise and ever since Coach Sylvester kicked me off the Cheerios my body still isn’t used to all the down time. I think I like it though; it’s nice not to be under the watchful eye of Sue Sylvester at all hours of the day. It’s like a certain weight is lifted from your body and that feeling is a good one. As I continue to move my thoughts go rapidly from one pressing topic to the next; I’m caught up in my own little world and the older woman with the terrible voice up on stage barely registers in my mind.

TAGGED . nobody yet! WORDS . four seven eight. OUTFIT . outfit here.
LYRICS . the silence - mayday parade. NOTES . xx
CREDIT . JURATE at CAUTION.

[nathan campbell]

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Why I was in Lima, of all places, I wasn't quite sure. One part of my mind was convinced it was because I'd slept with every single girl in Akron, and needed a new set of women, but the other part was telling me it was because I needed to get away. Away from the drama involving my family, the pressure of Vocal Adrenaline and football.. I looked at the various shops as I drove along the road, looking for somewhere different to go. We had McDonalds and Starbucks in Akron, I wanted something completely different. And then I saw a place I was sure I would never see again. A cabaret roller rink. It made me feel like I was living in one of those cheesy fifty movies or Grease. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if I went inside and the all wore pads in their bras and had their hair in beehives. My sleek black car that my father had bought me was a dream to drive, and it slid into the parking lot like a tiger stalking its prey. Parking easily, I opened the door and got out, breathing in the Lima air and hoping it wouldn't damage my lungs.

Once inside, I could hear the sound of the woman singing and I groaned. This was horrendous. I shouldn't be seen dead here. That didn't stop me, however, as I got a pair of skates from the desk and a drink of Pepsi, drinking it through the straw as I untied my sneakers and replaced them with the roller skates. I hadn't done this for a long, long time, since I was a kid when my parents were happy. But when I stood up, it felt natural. I skated out onto the rink and looked at the other people there. A mother with two young children, a couple who looked like they still attended middle school, and a blonde girl who didn't look much younger than me. I watched her as I skated around. She was pretty, and she looked vaguely familiar. Trying to remember where I had seen her, I listened to the woman on the mini-stage warble. It was like a little island in the middle of a sea of skaters. Then, something clicked. I knew where the blonde was from. New Directions. The crappy little excuse of a show choir at McKinley High. She was the one who had given Beth to Miss Corcoran. But she looked in good shape for someone who had only given birth a few months ago. As I skated past her, I slowed to her speed and smiled my winning smile at her. "Hey. You're from New Directions right? You have a lovely voice. What's your name again? I'm Nate." I said with my smooth, charming voice, making my eyes twinkle. If I won her over, I could get her to do a duet with me. Convince her Vocal Adrenaline's vocalists were more talented. And once I'd done that, maybe we'd go a little further..

[/blockquote]
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TAG quinn fabray!
WORDS 506 w/o UBBC
NOTES possible flirtation? he's a heart breaker though.
TUNES heaven help us , my chemical romance.
CREDIT template by MUNZTAR * of caution 2.0[/center]

[quinnfabray]

I wonder if all the time if I made a mistake. I don’t think anyone really knows just how much pain I’m in all the time. It’s something indescribable, a heartbreaking tug at everything inside of me that I think is only understandable to other women that have been put in the same position. I wonder if I could have done it- if Puck and I could have done it. I refuse to admit it but I have dreams all the time of the whole ‘What could have been’ scenario. Sometimes I see Puck and me in a little yellow house with a white picket fence- it’s nothing fancy, of course. Pretty run down, chipped paint, messy yard, etc. but it still gives off the unmistakable feeling of home. Puck will get out of his old pick-up truck and find me inside making a pie or something (this is the really stupid part- I can’t boil water without almost burning the house down) and little Beth sitting in a high chair at the table. Her wispy hair is long enough to be seen now, and her eyes are exact replicas of her father’s. He presses a kiss to his daughter’s head and smiles at her before coming over and taking me in his arms, his warm smile making my entire world light up with the soft coos of my daughter echoing behind him… It’s torture, this day by day process of moving on. I knew going into it that it would never be easy, but it’s gotten to a level of unwavering misery. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since before Regionals- the nightmares and fantasies always leave me waking up in a cold sweat and crying for the next few hours. I can’t tell anyone though, especially Puck. Of all the people in this world he is the number one person I can’t say anything to. I made it so clear that the decision was mine, and I was firm on it and believed that what I was doing was right.

I don’t know what to do now that I think I may be wrong. I know Shelby is a good mom; if anything she was the best person to adopt Beth because she;d been in the same position as I was all those years ago. This is almost the best way for the circle to complete and allow her to pay it forward. I’m not worried about Beth, the exact opposite actually. I’m worried about myself. But I’m the strong one; I’m Quinn Fabray damnit, and I survived a teenage pregnancy, losing everything I had, and being a part of the freaking Glee club. I’m a fighter if nothing else. So I deal with the pain the best way I know how and keep going. I just hope that maybe one of these days all of the pretending will be worth it and turn into real life.

I’m snapped from my bubble when I notice someone talking to me. Dark hair, prominent features... he’s not bad looking, but he looks sort of familiar thought I can’t place where exactly I’ve seen him before. Obviously I’m nowhere near ready for a relationship but I can always use more friends and right now any sort of distraction is welcome.

"Hey. You're from New Directions right? You have a lovely voice. What's your name again? I'm Nate."

Oh, right. He was one of them. Vocal Adrenaline. Great, so he was part of the enemy. Whatever, I’m so tired of the repetition of my own thoughts maybe a good verbal sparring would be good for me. I just hope he doesn’t remember that I am was the pregnant girl.

“Yes, I am. I’m Quinn Fabray.” I finally answer him. “Thank you, I try my best.” I hold out my hand, slowing my skating pace down enough to shake his hand somewhat informally. It’s the best I can do; I’m sure as hell not going to give the guy a hug or anything. “It’s nice to meet you.” And then, just because I need something to say, I glance to the woman on stage and add, “That woman is terrible.

TAGGED . nate!WORDS . six nine nineOUTFIT . outfit here.
LYRICS . the silence - mayday parade. NOTES . xx
CREDIT . JURATE at CAUTION.

[nathan campbell]

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I smiled at her when she pulled herself away from her thoughts, still skating smoothly around the rink. People said only women could multi-task but he was pretty good at it, or so he thought. You know, he'd got the whole breathing and talking thing down. He could sing and dance. And now, apparently, skate at a tacky roller rink and flirt with a girl from the rival show choir who had recently given birth to Miss Corcoran's baby, Beth. "Ah, Quinn. That's the one. Pretty name to match a pretty face. Beautiful, you could say." I said to her. I was such a natural charmer. If only I could find a way to get Jesse kicked out of Carmel and then I could be the lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline. The one in the spotlight. All the chicks that came to watch us would know the name Nathan Campbell. Including the hot ones in New Directions, one of whom I just happened to be talking to. When she held out her hand I smirked slightly, holding it gently instead of shaking it. I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb as we skated around. I looked at the stage when she mentioned the woman and then looked back at her.

I hadn't been kidding about the voice thing, she honestly had a nice one. Kind of suppressed by Rachel Berry, but she was Jesse St. James in a skirt, why did I expect anything more from her?She was pretty good looking too, but I preferred blondes to brunettes. Come to think of it, I was such a cliché. Maybe I should run off with a transvestite from a carnival and have affairs with the lion tamer and the contortionist. "She really is. Maybe we should get up there and teach her not to get up there again. Anyway, I thought that small, alcoholic woman with the nice ass sung here? The one at your last invitationals?" I asked her, still skating round the mini stage in the centre of the rink. Singing with her in front of a small crowd of families and couples still with their baby teeth would be like musical foreplay.

[/blockquote]
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TAG quinn fabray!
WORDS 365 w/o UBBC
NOTES possible flirtation? he's a heart breaker though.
TUNES heaven help us , my chemical romance.
CREDIT template by MUNZTAR * of caution 2.0[/center]

[quinnfabray]

There are a lot of reasons I can’t stand Vocal Adrenaline. Aside from the obvious (they’re snotty, rude, spoiled rich kids that rub the fact that they’re monetarily better off into everyone’s faces and have egos bigger than Kurt and Mercedes entire wardrobe combined) the biggest problem for me is that they genuinely think they deserve everything that they have. Those big cars that they drive, the expensive clothes they wear, Dakota Stanley… they really think they’ve earned it all and they haven’t. (Okay, they probably deserve Dakota Stanley- I mean, he’s horrible, they’re horrible. It makes sense.) But everything else just isn’t right. Vocal Adrenaline has insulted us, trashed our choir room, egged Rachel (who was actually one of my friends now), and screwed with us all last year when they sent Jesse in as a spy. (I know, I know, he “genuinely cared” for Rachel. He was just trying to help. Blah blah, whatever. Personally I always thought he was a pain) Not to mention their win at Regionals that they clearly didn’t deserve.

Needless to say, I’m not their biggest fan. However, I still believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt and trying to see the best in every person. And it’s not like this guy was Jesse St. James himself or anything, so I figured there was no real harm in just hanging out and talking to the guy a bit. I wasn’t an idiot, I could handle myself and I wouldn’t let it turn into anything more than pure and innocent.

"Ah, Quinn. That's the one. Pretty name to match a pretty face. Beautiful, you could say."

I blushed slightly. I couldn’t help it, it had been a long time since someone had said anything like that to me.“Thanks.” I mumbled, taking my hand back. I was all for being friendly and maybe even some harmless light flirting, but I wasn’t ready to get into anything more than that. With everything that had happened over that past year I was all over the place emotionally and to be perfectly honest I still had some feelings for Puck I had yet to sit down and sort through.

Focusing back on the stage I heard Nate say something about singing.

"She really is. Maybe we should get up there and teach her not to get up there again. Anyway, I thought that small, alcoholic woman with the nice ass sung here? The one at your last invitationals?"

I smiled at the memory of the woman in question. April Rhodes had done so much for New Directions. She let us practice at this roller rink when she owned it and bought the entire Auditiorium from Figgins so we could use it whenever we wanted. She was nuts, that was obvious to anyone, and she drank like a fish but she had a good heart and was always entertaining.

“April Rhodes.” I told Nate. "She left last year. She got some money and after she bought us our auditorium she went to New York to start the first all white production of The Wiz. She still calls Mr. Schue and check in every month though.” When I thought about his request to sing, I quickly weighed my options. It couldn’t hurt, could it? “What should we sing?” I asked as we skated.

TAGGED . nate!WORDS . five five sixOUTFIT . outfit here.
LYRICS . the silence - mayday parade. NOTES . xx
CREDIT . JURATE at CAUTION.

[nathan campbell]

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When I was five, my mom and dad had brought me to a roller rink. It was a long time ago, and I was only young, so I didn't know if it was this one or another one, but it was very similar to this one in my memory. I had fallen over and hurt my knee and my mom had looked after me and encouraged me to go back out onto the rink. After I had gotten over the accident, I decided I really, really liked roller-skating, and my parents had taken me every Saturday. One day my mom stopped coming out onto the rink with me because she was pregnant and couldn't risk it, but I had gained the confidence to do it pretty much on my own. But then one Saturday I walked into the kitchen where my mom and dad were eating breakfast in silence, with my roller skates, and they had told me 'Not today Nathan'. I had never been since. I pushed this memory to the back of my mind as Quinn spoke again. She had taken her hand away, but I wasn't too fussed. She'd be begging for it soon and of course, I wouldn't give her it. I didn't do commitment, I was a heart breaker through and through. I listened to her talk about April, the previous owner.

I didn't know too much about musicals actually. People automatically assumed I had to because I was in Vocal Adrenaline and they were a glee club, and when people thought of glee they thought of Jesse St. James, the closeted gay vocalist, and Rachel Berry, the one with the big nose, mouth and ego. But I was only part of it because I wanted the popularity, not because I enjoyed it. True, I had enough talent not to be kicked out by Dakota Stanley or Miss Corcoran, but I would choose football over it any day. But The Wiz was loosely based around the Wizard of Oz, I was sure. The film about the chick and her dog and the tin man. Yes, that was right, The Wiz and Wicked were both clones or spin-offs of the Wizard of Oz. So I nodded slowly as she spoke, not really taking much of it in. Then she asked what we should sing and I bit my lip, trying to think of something we could sing together. The fact she actually wanted to be seen singing with the enemy was the first step to falling head over heels for me (no roller-skating related pun intended). "I don't know. What sorta music do you like? I would suggest something by Queen, but would that bring back bitter memories?

[/color] I teased lightly and grinned at her to show I was only joking. Sure, we were New Directions' rivals, but we hadn't done anything wrong. Apart from teasing them with Jesse and egging Berry, but no one liked her anyway, right?[/size][/blockquote]
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TAG quinn fabray!
WORDS 491 w/o UBBC
NOTES boo vocal adrenaline!
TUNES heaven help us , my chemical romance.
CREDIT template by MUNZTAR * of caution 2.0[/center]

[quinnfabray]

Music has always been a huge part in my life. Growing up I was the stereotypical girl that listened to mainstream bubblegum pop music like Britney Spears, N*SYNC, and the Backstreet Boys. As I got older my taste started to change, thank god, and since I joined Glee my horizons have been broadened beyond anything I could have imagined. I’d seen Broadway shows now (on DVD or TV, not live, but still) thanks to Rachel and Kurt’s influence, I’d listened to some jazz with Artie, Mercedes and I rock out to the hip-hop and R&B she loves so much, and Tina introduced me to punk music. The other guys are big on rap, Santana and Brittany love anything that’s on the billboard charts, and Mr. Schue has a thing for classics and oldies. All in all I consider myself lucky. I’ve always loved music but because of Glee I realized just how much it means to me. It makes us who we are; it empowers us and helps us know that we’re not alone in what we’re feeling. It’s the one language everyone in the world spoke fluently, and lately I’ve discovered that in itself is beautiful.

“I’m good with anything that has a good beat.” I told Nate. I refused to comment on what he said implying Regionals. That only made me think of Beth, and those memories were what brought me to the roller rink in the first place. I continued, hoping to distract him from that and move on with it for my own sake as well. “You pick something.”

Part of me was confused as hell about this guy. For some reason he intrigued me, but I wasn’t sure why. I was keeping my guard up and wouldn’t divulge anything serious because I knew I couldn’t trust him. He was in Vocal Adrenaline and that was a red flag if there ever was one. Still, I was here by myself and singing always seemed to help me relieve stress which, let’s face it, I was up to my eyes in. And hey, maybe I could get something out of him to help out New Directions. I wasn’t above it by any means. I’d always been extremely competitive by nature, and since the pregnancy and my fall as Queen of McKinley I knew where my loyalties lied. Those Glee kids had stuck with me through it all and never thought twice about accepting me even after I’d been horrible to them. If anyone deserved my friendship, it was them and I found out pretty quickly that I didn’t mind it. In fact, I kind of thrived on it. They were my real friends, and they mattered.

TAGGED . nate!WORDS . four four nineOUTFIT . outfit here.
LYRICS . the silence - mayday parade. NOTES . xx
CREDIT . JURATE at CAUTION.