when the moon is full*-- [puck<3]

[quinnfabray]

` LET ME KEEP MY BEAUTY FOR ONE MORE DAY ,

WHEN THE MOON IS FULL AND PIERCING BRIGHT
! DRENCH ME WITH YOUR INNOCENCE TONIGHT !

[/size]
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I woke up feeling the same as usual. My alarm clock said it was ten a.m. and I hadn’t slept well, so with a heavy sigh I rolled out of bed and began the typical routine. I showered and put on a dress, some sandals, and fixed my hair and makeup. I went downstairs and ate breakfast with the Jones’s, keeping my smile on and enjoyed the scrambled eggs Mrs. Jones had made.

Mercedes was headed to Kurt’s place to hang out and I was invited along but to be honest I just wasn’t feeling it. Instead I sat in my room and studied for a few hours, finishing a paper that was due soon for history and a couple math problems. Mrs. Jones poked her head in around noon and announced she was heading to the movies with a friend, and to be honest I had no clue where anyone else was. Unable to stand the thought of sitting alone in an empty house I grabbed my sweater and purse and climbed in my car. I didn’t have much money but window shopping was fine with me. I liked to people watch too. I parked my car in the shopping center parking lot and glanced around,
taking in my surroundings.

Beth and Puck were on my mind. But then again, when were they not? I missed my daughter (and it killed me to think of calling her that, but it’s the truth. She is my daughter and I’m her mom) and I missed Puck. I was told time and time again that the pain of giving Beth to Shelby would dull after time had passed. It had been months and if anything I was feeling worse than ever before. Not a second went past that I didn’t think about her or miss her or wish that she was right in my arms. Sleep had become something of a memory to me seeing as how I couldn’t get through one night without waking up in sweat and tears from another nightmare. There are so many different scenarios but they’re all basically the same. I have Beth safe in my arms and she’s ripped away from me. Sometimes by my mother, sometimes the hospital staff, and occasionally by Shelby. I know it’s crazy but it’s not like I can help it. Nobody know this but I stay up at night and cry about it, that’s how I fall asleep now.
I’ve been wondering for the entire summer if I made a mistake.

The choice was up to me in the end, Puck agreed to whatever I wanted even if it’s not what he wanted, and it terrifies me to think that maybe…. Maybe I was given the choice and I chose wrong. I mean, what am I supposed to do? I can’t just take Beth back, can I? That doesn’t sound like something that could happen and even if it could what about Shelby? She’d be devastated. But at the same time there are other kids that need adopting. Beth is my only baby girl. Sure she was a surprise but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be loved just the same. If anything I think it makes me love her more.

Puck and I could have done it, I think. The parent thing. Maybe we could have done it. That’s what really kills me. The ‘what if’ and the ‘maybe’. Because the more I think about it I really believe we could have done it. And that kills me, because what if we could have done it and I made the wrong choice?

I was having a crappy day, I realized. And I deserved something to lift my spirits. Pushing open the door to the ice cream parlor I headed up to the counter and bought myself a triple scoop of Double Chocolate Chip ice cream. It was big and expensive, and not healthy at all, and I realized I didn’t care one bit. The best way to drown your sorrows was in chocolate and I had plenty to drown. Taking my cone outside I made myself comfortable under a tree to enjoy the sunshine, nibbling on my frozen treat and letting my mind wander.

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WORDS: 704
TAGGED: NOAH PUCKERMAN!
OUTFIT: Pretty Quinn
STATUS: complete.
LYRICS: kamelot
NOTES: i loooooove them <33 and i'm sorry it sucks.
CREDIT: javieljones of CAUTION
[/center]

[noah puckerman]

I didn't know what I was going to do today. In fact, I rarely knew what I was going to do any day, anyway. I wanted to go out but my mother was still at her friends and I had my little sister to take care of. So I was sat in my room, playing my guitar while she sat on the floor, watching me. I finished the song and ten put my guitar down on the end of my bed, smiling at my little sister. "Do you have any friends who you can go play with today, Eva?" I asked her, frowning lightly. She raised her eyebrows at me before shaking her head and then laying back on my bedroom floor. I groaned and then sighed. I wanted to go out. I'd decided that now. I didn't want to sit around the house all day waiting for my mother to get home. I didn't want to take Eva with me, though. I bit my lip and then looked down at her again. "You're sure?" I asked. She sat up, pushed herself to her feet and then placed her hands on her hips. "Puck, I have friends and you know I do. But I'm not going to go to theirs just so that you can go out. It's unfair." she nodded and then stomped out of my room. I glared at her stomps and then shook my head. Great, now she'd tell mom when she came home. I sighed, getting up off my bed and walking towards the door. I'd go get a shower. That would pass time.

The shower had passed time, but not much. I walked into my bedroom again, closing the door and then putting the lock on. I was getting ready when I heard the door open and then close. Then my mother's voice shouting to tell me she was home. Finally. I looked at my clock as I pulled on my shirt and then grabbed a jacket. I slipped on my trainers and unlocked my door, opening it and then running out of it. I ran down the stairs, nodding at my mother. "Hey mom, I'm off out." she stopped me. Where? she asked. I sighed. "Off to play kissy kissy with Quinny Quinny." Eva giggled. I smiled slightly. "Yeah. Gonna go see Quinn, I'm already late. Gotta dash." I smiled and then walked out of the house before she could say anymore. I wasn't going to meet Quinn. I didn't even know where she was. I hadn't heard from her all summer. Partly my fault, yeah. But the phone line worked two ways. I pulled on my jacket and got to my car. I got in it and then frowned. The mall. That's where I'd go. I'd probably bump into Finn or something, anyway.

I parked the car when I got to the mall, sighing as I got out. On the way, I'd thought about Quinn. I missed her a whole lot, I really did. Her and Beth. We could have been an amazing family. Sure, she hadn't planned on keeping her from the start, but part of me thought we could have done it. We might not have been the best parents but hey, nobody is perfect, right? I just wish I could have encouraged her to keep Beth and then maybe things would be different now. Maybe we could have saved up for our own little place with a room for Beth, all by herself. A little playroom for her and her friends as she grew up. Part of me wanted to go to Shelby and demand our daughter back. I would have done that. There were plenty of babies out there. I wanted my daughter. There were teens who didn't. I shook my head, clearing the thoughts away. That was it. Things had been done now. Adoption papers, everything. There was really no chance in getting our daughter back, even if we demanded it. It would break Shelby's heart.

I was actually in the mall now, walking around. I stopped near the Ice Cream parlor doors, though, looking inside. I saw someone and I could have swore it was someone I knew. I pushed the door open slowly and then smiled when I realized it was who I had expected it to be. Walking in as quietly as I could, I ordered a raspberry ripple ice cream and then walked to where Quinn was sat. I sat down, put my ice cream down and then put my spoon into her ice cream, taking a little and then putting it in my mouth. "Tastes good, Quinny." I smiled, putting some of my own ice cream into my mouth.

quinn <3. temp to me. banner to me. omg <3 yay :3. there's 786 words.

[quinnfabray]

` LET ME KEEP MY BEAUTY FOR ONE MORE DAY ,

WHEN THE MOON IS FULL AND PIERCING BRIGHT
! DRENCH ME WITH YOUR INNOCENCE TONIGHT !

[/size]
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When I was four years old I decided I wanted to be a princess when I grew up. I wanted to wear pretty dresses and tiaras and be the head of the town and, someday, find my prince. From the movies it was obvious that he had to be handsome, kind, funny, smart, and brave but my parents sat me down not long after and explained to me that there was a lot more criteria to meet. This boy had to be a Christian that practiced his faith a lot, had good manners and respected me, and was always the perfect gentleman to all. He had to be admired by his peers, impress them and, I realized eventually, essentially be perfect. Being so young my parents worked hard to ingrain this into my mind as I grew up, and for a majority of the time it worked. I dated the popular guys, the golden boys; I dated Finn Hudson. Finn is one of the sweetest people anyone will ever meet in their lifetime, and I don’t regret a second of our relationship because it taught me a lot. Not just about myself but love and relationships and life in general.

The night I slept with Puck everything turned upside down. I wasn’t the angel everyone saw me to be anymore, I had a secret and even if nobody but me knew it still counted. My halo was gone. It’s taken me a long time to realize it but I think maybe it was for the best. Do I wish I could have waited and had my daughter when I was married and ready and not sixteen? Yes, of course. But this is decision I made, and the hand I was dealt so I had to learn to accept it and move forward. I do regret lying to Finn, that wasn’t one of my finest moments. I should have been honest with him from the beginning but I was so terrified of what was happening I panicked. And then the lie just kept getting bigger and bigger and then everyone knew… But I’m thankful everyday that Finn seems to have forgiven me. We’ll never be the same as we used to be, and that’s okay. He’s with Rachel now (at least I think so) and I know he really likes her. That’s what started all of this in the first place, after all. He seemed into her so I got jealous and got with Puck. Finn seems a lot happier, I’ve noticed, when he’s with Rachel and he looks at her in a way he never looked at me. He’s a goner, and I think it will be funny watching her boss him around.

And me? Well, I’ve been thinking long and hard over the past few months alone and as much as I hated to admit it, I’d reached a startling discovery: I was in love with Noah Puckerman. How the hell this happened, I have no idea. But I think it did nonetheless. I don’t know what real love feels like, I’ve never been in love before. Finn and I loved each other but if we’re both honest neither of us were ever in love. Puck’s different. Puck was… the exact opposite of what I’d been raised to want. He wasn’t Christian, his manners were terrible, he wasn’t a gentlemen to anyone; he respected me sometimes I guess, and he was admired by his peers if you count everyone being scared of him. He didn’t impress my parents at all and he was far from perfect. He had plenty of flaws and it made no sense at all, but I loved him anyway. He was handsome, he could be kind when he wanted to, he was funny (although crude, but still funny), smart when he wanted to be, and he was extremely brave. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but maybe just maybe I loved him even more for that. I was far from an angel myself, even before I got pregnant, so we could learn from each other and grow together.

I was ripped from my thoughts when a foreign spoon dipped in to my ice cream. I whirled around to find none other than Noah Puckerman himself smirking at me. I couldn’t help it, I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. God, it had been a long time since I had seen him and I missed him terribly.

“Puck!” I pulled back just enough to look at his face, angry at myself for beginning to tear up. “You’re here. I- I haven’t seen you in… it’s been forever. I have so much to tell you. How are you?” I babbled when I got nervous, it was a bad habit I had picked up. Shutting my mouth I glanced at his face, my arms still around his neck, waiting for an answer.

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WORDS: 817
TAGGED: NOAH PUCKERMAN!
OUTFIT: Pretty Quinn
STATUS: complete.
LYRICS: kamelot
NOTES: i loooooove them <33 and i'm sorry it sucks.
CREDIT: javieljones of CAUTION
[/center]

[noah puckerman]

I hadn't really planned on having feelings for Quinn. From the very start, I'd hoped that we'd sleep together, she'd hate me and then we'd get over it. I hadn't expected a child to appear, too. Well, not appear but pretty much just come into our lives. And then I'd started to realize that I didn't get things by running away from them. Quite the opposite, actually. When I'd found out Quinn was pregnant, part of me had been angry. Angry that she hadn't told me herself. I'd had to find out from others when she knew full well that Beth was mine. I don't think I would have flipped out. To be honest, I think I would have been rather supportive. But she hadn't told me and things weren't like that anymore. Maybe if she had and we'd kept Beth, things would have been different for New Directions and not in a good way. We wouldn't have been able to deal with Glee club while looking after a little baby, would we? We'd miss her too much during school time. Not that I didn't miss her. I'd rarely seen her and I still felt attached because she had my blood in her. I had to stop thinking about her. It only hurt more.

I smiled quickly when Quinn noticed me and then she threw her arms around me. "Quinnyyy" I grinned, putting my arms around her waist and pulling her closer into a hug. I sighed lightly. I felt quite happy, actually. Now that I was here with Quinn, it felt natural. I looked at her face when she pulled back a little and frowned when I could see little tears in her eyes. I kissed her forehead softly and smiled as I did. I looked at her again, raising my eyebrows at her questions. I shrugged lightly at it and then thought for a moment. I hadn't seen her for a while and did I tell her that my life was excellent. Everything was going great. Or did I say that I'd missed her and I wanted Beth back? The truth or a lie that would make her feel better? I sighed again, biting my lip as I looked back down at her.

"I know. I missed you!" I told her with a small grin. I shrugged once more, very slowly. "I've had ups and downs. I missed you. But I've been doing goood." I smiled and then bit my lip again, examining her face for a moment before speaking again. "How about you? How've you been doing, Quinny?" I asked, grinning lightly at her. I didn't care that people were looking. We were just people who'd had a small reunion. Loud, but only small. It wasn't like we were a freak show. I looked around, glaring at several people. They looked down so I smiled and looked back at Quinn, waiting for her to speak.

quinn <3. temp to me. banner to me. ugh. this sucks, sorry. D: they'll get better. <3 there's 488 words.

[quinnfabray]

` LET ME KEEP MY BEAUTY FOR ONE MORE DAY ,

WHEN THE MOON IS FULL AND PIERCING BRIGHT
! DRENCH ME WITH YOUR INNOCENCE TONIGHT !

[/size]
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

People often say that the safest place in the world is home. But where is home, exactly? Is it where you were born and raised into the person you’ve become? Or is it the place in which you live at the moment? I was born and raised in a house with two people that while I was genetically related to I haven’t called family in over a year. And I hadn’t felt safe there long before I got pregnant, that was part of the reason I was never home. I currently lived at Mercedes’ house and while I owed everything in the world to the Jones family and I felt taken care of, it still wasn’t my safe place. The safest place in the world to me was exactly where I was at the moment: Noah Puckerman’s arms. It was warm even on the coldest days, protective even when I was scared shitless, and it made my heart swell. Being wrapped in Puck’s arms made me feel like I was untouchable and even the worst thing in the world couldn’t get to me. It made my heart beat fast when he pulled me closer, but in the good way. I was glad that he didn’t seem angry at me, which I had been worried about. I didn’t want him to think I had abandoned him over the summer just because I was a bitch, there was meaning behind it and I realized that it was one of the dumbest things I could have done. I wanted him to know how sorry I was.

"I know. I missed you!" he said with a smile, then shrugged. "I've had ups and downs. I missed you. But I've been doing good. How about you? How've you been doing, Quinny?"

Oh. His laid back attitude took me by surprise. Maybe I had been wrong in assuming that he missed Beth as much as I did. Maybe he thought we’d made the right choice in giving her to Shelby. Then again with Puck you could never tell, he had always been good at hiding his emotions. But I had learned over the past year that he did, in fact, have emotions which was a big thing. But, on the one bright side, he did say he missed me too. I decided that if he wasn’t going to make a big deal of it then I wouldn’t either.

“I’m good too! Yeah, I’ve been great actually. Just really, um, really good with everything...” I nodded and attempted a smile. I was proud at how well I was lying to him, maybe I was better at acting than I thought. The pride lasted all of about four seconds before my hormones took over and my eyes filled with tears. Maybe I couldn’t do this after all. Screw it, I thought after a minute. He could tell when I was lying anyway.

“I’ve been horrible.” I sobbed, resting my head in the crook of his neck. I couldn’t bear to look at his eyes right now, it was too embarrassing. Well, even more embarrassing than it already was. “I don’t sleep, I don’t hang out with anybody, I just miss her all the time.” I didn’t think I needed to elaborate on who ‘her’ was. He knew I meant Beth. “Puck I- I just miss her so much and I want her back in my arms. I want our daughter back!” I cried.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

WORDS: 574
TAGGED: NOAH PUCKERMAN!
OUTFIT: Pretty Quinn
STATUS: complete.
LYRICS: kamelot
NOTES: warning: the floodgates have opened.
CREDIT: javieljones of CAUTION
[/center]

[noah puckerman]

I smiled widely at her and then sighed. I suddenly felt a lot better than I had the previous weeks that I hadn't seen her. It was like she filled the hole that was constantly there. I could safely say that I was kind of in love with her. I wanted to tell her but at the same time, I didn't want to let my guard down. I was the tough guy. The one who everyone was afraid of. Showing my feelings would make me like..like a weak person. I knew Finn had told Rachel he'd loved her. He told me everything. I didn't think he was weak. He'd spent a long time trying to figure out if it was Rachel or Quinn he wanted. I knew, though. From the start that he'd choose her. Even when Rachel was with Jesse. Even when she was with me. They'd end up together for at least a few weeks. And they had, right? Right.

I shook my head, coming back to Quinn and then smiling at her words. So she was doing well. That was good. I frowned, though. She didn't look all that convincing. I was able to tell whether she was lying because I was just that amazing. I smiled at myself for a millisecond before she started to cry. I didn't ask questions, I just pulled her closer to me, hugging her tightly again. I rested my cheek on her head lightly and then bit my lip. "Shhh." I whispered quietly, biting my lip a little harder. I didn't care about everyone else in the ice cream place, now. Quinn was crying. My Quinny was crying. I hated knowing that something was hurting her. Not that I hadn't thought it hurt her anyway.

I pulled away slowly and then moved her head gently so she would look at me. I wiped the tears from her cheek softly and then kissed her nose. "Shh." I whispered again. "I'm here." I promised and then sighed, nodding at her last comment. "Me too, Quinn." I whispered. "I want her and I want you. We'd be amazing. Us three, taking on the world." I smiled slightly and then put my arms back around her, kissing her head and then biting my lip again. "I'm sorry." I told her softly. It was my fault. If I hadn't have gotten her pregnant in the first place, none of this would have happened. Well.. can't change the past. Unfortunately.

quinn <3. temp to me. banner to me. 414 words. yaaay! it sucks but i finally did it. <33

[quinnfabray]

` LET ME KEEP MY BEAUTY FOR ONE MORE DAY ,

WHEN THE MOON IS FULL AND PIERCING BRIGHT
! DRENCH ME WITH YOUR INNOCENCE TONIGHT !

[/size]
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It was kind of funny how things happened. When I first found out I was pregnant I had been as positive as the test that my life was over. I was done. My family would desert me, my friends would want nothing to do with me, I’d lose my position as queen of McKinley and be forced into a role that I did not want. So I decided to do whatever it took not to lose that, even if it meant lying. I’d say Finn was the father, that eliminated me looking like a cheating whore, and I’d give the baby up for adoption so that once I popped this kid out it would be like the whole thing never happened and everything could go back to normal. Nobody would ever have to know that Puck was the one that got me pregnant, that I’d cheated on Finn, it would all be fine and go back to how it was before. People would move on and forget about my stupid mistake and I’d be back at the top where I belonged.

Absolutely none of that happened. Other than my parents deserting me, of course. As much as it hurt I can’t say I was surprised. My parents were vain, selfish people that had always been concerned with their image. Anything that stood in the way or held the chance of ruining that was eliminated. Simple as that. Did it hurt? Yes, because a part of me still held hope that they’d prove me wrong. But when they kicked me out it wasn’t the shock everyone made it out to be. And while I did lose my spot as number one girl at McKinley I’d come to realize that it was actually a good thing. I mean, yeah it hurt in the process of losing my crown, so to speak, it hurt bad. But looking back I know that I’ve come out of it a better person with real friends I can count on. Finn and I didn’t work out either, but that too was for the best. I cared for him a lot but in the end we all knew it just wasn’t meant to be. I mean, that’s what had started all of this in the first place right? I knew I was losing Finn to Rachel long before I got pregnant so I slept with Puck after feeling bad about myself one day. But things were better now. Finn and I were friends now I think, and everything seemed to be working itself out. Except for Beth. She wasn’t here with me, so how was that right?

I was pretty sure I was suffering from PPD- post partum depression. I’d heard it was common among women that had just given birth. It’s when the mother is depressed after having a baby. In my case it was even worse because I wasn’t even around my child. I allowed myself to cry into Puck’s shoulder, his strong arms around me giving me comfort. After a few minutes he gently pulled back and wiped my tears away, kissing my nose and telling me everything would be okay. When he apologized I crinkled my brow in confusion. What was he sorry for? He didn’t do anything, this was my fault. I shook my head. “No, don’t say that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I did this to us. I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry.”

Hearing him say he wanted me and Beth struck something inside of me, right in my heart where it counted. I’d never heard anything better sounding in my life. “Me too. I want all of that too.” Sucking in a breath of air I sniffed and shook my head, clearing away the tears. I was Quinn Fabray dammit. I was better than this and sitting here blubbering at the ice cream parlor wasn’t doing anything to help the situation. “Okay, we need to do something. A plan, we need a plan to get her back.” I looked at Puck. Normally I was the brains between the two of us but in this particular situation I knew it was all on him. This was his area of expertise, planning and taking stuff and all that. With a quick realization that this was Puck we were dealing with, I quickly added, “A legal plan. I mean, I wouldn’t feel right about breaking in and stealing her or anything. That would be terrible to do to Shelby. Plus then we’d have to go on the run and I don’t think I’d be good at something like that, not to mention it would be a terrible way to raise a baby. And if we got caught I really don’t want to go to jail, I know I’d do bad in prison and I’m not up for being someone’s bitch and then this would all be for nothing.” Oh god, I was rambling again. I needed to shut up quick before I freaked him out anymore but I couldn’t help it; I was nervous and excited and so many other things wrapped into one and the energy I just gained had to be released somehow.

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WORDS: 863
TAGGED: NOAH PUCKERMAN!
OUTFIT: Pretty Quinn
STATUS: complete.
LYRICS: kamelot
NOTES: sorry about the wait! i'm back, i promise!!
CREDIT: javieljones of CAUTION
[/center]

[noah puckerman]

I wasn't entirely sure about what I was meant to do, anymore. Not just with Quinn and Beth but with everything. I remember when I'd found out she was pregnant and even though I hadn't seemed it, I was scared. It made me angry to see Finn not doing his best. And Quinn still stuck with him. I knew that was just because if she got rid of Finn, people would start to ask questions. Questions which would involve who the actual father was. But I'd tried to earn money for Quinn and the baby. I really had. I'd just been so scared. So worried that something would happen to the baby or Quinn while she was going through it all. I didn't want the baby to die or worse, Quinn. I just had to sit back and watch Finn's stupid actions towards my child. I'd seen the times he'd got distracted. It made me want to punch him in the face and then tell him to go look after his girlfriend and child. But I couldn't do that. Well.. I did do that but not as sudden as that. I'd just hinted and then punched him. I hadn't literally just walked up to him, socked him in the face and then demanded he look after Quinn and the baby. I knew then he was suspicious, though. When we'd had the fight. Well.. I don't know. This was Finn we're talking about.

I'd almost thought that Quinn would actually do it until everyone I decided to tell Mercedes. I thought I could trust her, I really did. But then she went and told everyone else. And Berry found out.. I suppose it was for the best in the end otherwise I might not have been stood her with Quinn in my arms. No.. Finn would be. With Beth in his arms too. Or maybe some weird couple would have taken her. Maybe if Mercedes hadn't told everyone I was the father, Rachel would have never found out that Shelby was her mother and therefore we wouldn't have a single person who we'd like to give Beth to. It was all very confusing when it came down to it. I knew that Quinn had hated the fact she was going to get big. And she hated how she'd lose her title. I just felt like she was such a strong girl. For going through with every single little thing. The pain, the growing stomach, the birth. The giving away. I honestly thought that after that, Quinn could take on the world.

I frowned when she told me not to say that, raising my eyebrows and then shaking my head. It was my fault, though. If I hadn't been so stupid and slept with her in the first place, none of this would have happened. I frowned at her words. She hadn't done anything to hurt me. It wasn't like she'd planned on getting herself pregnant just to spite me. I smiled at her slightly. "Don't talk silly, Quinn." I whispered to her. "None of this is your fault.. it's just..life." I added, biting my lip and then sighing. Why couldn't life be fair? For just a while. For a day. So they could get everything back for a day. Normality. No. I didn't want normal. I wanted everything to go back to the day Beth was brought into this world. So I could tell Quinn to take Beth and not give her away. To tell her we'd miss her too much and would be able to deal with everything. I exhaled sharply through my nose, blinking at Quinn as she rambled.

I laughed lightly at her words. She really wanted a plan to get Beth back. I didn't think we'd be allowed to. There was no reason, other than the fact we missed her. It wasn't something that would hold up in a court case, honestly. I shook my head slowly, biting my lip. As much as I wanted to get Beth back, I didn't think I could do that to Shelby. She may have been the director of Vocal Adrenaline but she was also doing well with Beth. She hadn't hurt her in any way. She hadn't simply decided she couldn't be bothered. If anything, I was pretty sure she was doing well. She'd raise Beth to be good at singing and dancing. Everything I wanted her to be. I sighed and then put my hand on Quinn's cheek gently, shaking my head. "As much as I want to, we can't." I whispered. "Taking Beth back now would cause too much stress for everyone. For her, for Shelby, for you." I frowned, biting my lip at my words. I closed my eyes for a second and then dropped my hand from her face, sighing deeply. "I'd love to get her back but.. we just can't." I looked at the floor for a moment and then back to her face.

quinn <3. temp to me. banner to me. 830 words. ommmnomm. c:

[quinnfabray]

` LET ME KEEP MY BEAUTY FOR ONE MORE DAY ,

WHEN THE MOON IS FULL AND PIERCING BRIGHT
! DRENCH ME WITH YOUR INNOCENCE TONIGHT !

[/size]
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For a minute- a single fleeting moment in time- I thought that everything was going to be okay. Maybe things would work out and I could be happy. Puck and I could be together and raise Beth and be a family. We could save up and get our own little place, somewhere small and cheap that we could fix up together that would be perfect for us to grow and learn together and just be. We could be those people, the ones that beat the odds and did things differently and out of order but still, in the end, everything would work out. We’d be different than the normal statistic and the exact opposite of what everyone expected and it would be amazing. Of course it would be far from perfect, I knew this. Puck and I would fight all the time like we did now because that’s how we were and that’s how our relationship was. Whether we were together or not we had different personalities, polar opposites in fact, and that caused us to butt heads often. But we cared about each other and we cared about Beth and that would always out do any disagreements. Besides, we always made up. It was just how we worked.

Hearing him tell me not to blame myself was nonsense. Why shouldn’t I be blamed? I lied to everyone, I called him a Lima loser and berated him and insulted him and was downright mean all the time and he didn’t deserve any of it. He didn’t mean to get me pregnant. And it wasn’t like he forced me or anything. I was a willing participant. Like they always say it takes two to tango and I was more than ready to dance, so to speak. “You’re right. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just life.” I agreed. Just life. Life happened all the time and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. You just had to accept what came your way and deal with it.

But what if you deal with it the wrong way? Some of the mistakes I made were rectified. I’d apologized for acting like a bitch to everyone and for lying, and the people that mattered had forgiven me. It took them awhile but it happened and now we were all on good terms. But what about Beth? I knew my plan was crazy and I probably sounded like I was on medication of some sort but this was my child we were talking about here. Our child, mine and Puck’s. This little life that we had created together.

"As much as I want to, we can't."

I frowned. What was he talking about? Did he not want his daughter? Was I just imagining everything that had been going on for the past few months? Before I could say something Puck continued.

"Taking Beth back now would cause too much stress for everyone. For her, for Shelby, for you."

No. No, couldn’t really mean this. I knew how terrible it would be to do something like this to Shelby, it would break her heart. I mean, we gave her this gift and all of a sudden we just wanted it back? It was cruel and awful and one of the worst things imaginable to do to someone. I’d feel terrible about it. But at the same time, as selfish as it was, what about us? Her birth parents? We gave her life. And yeah, we didn’t think we were ready but we’ve had time to digest it all and while I knew being a mom at sixteen would be the hardest thing I would ever do, there was no way it could be harder than living without her.

"I'd love to get her back but.. we just can't."

I shook my head stubbornly. He obviously didn’t understand. After I explained it to him he would be on my side and we could make this happen. It was Puck, obviously I had to lay it all out so he could see what I was talking about and then it would all make sense and he would agree with me.

“I know it would be horrible to do to Shelby, I know that. I’d feel terrible about it, trust me.” I told him. “But there are so many other kids out there that need parents. Beth is our only child and she’s not even a year old, she would be fine. And I would be more than fine. I’m stressed now because she’s not here, having her with us would make it better, see? There have to be loopholes, didn’t one of the papers say we have like a year to change our minds? It’s legal Puck, and I’m sure we wouldn’t be the first ones to do it. They make stuff like that for a reason, right?” I leaned my forehead against his and rested my hands on his cheeks. “I want this. I want us and I want her and I want our family and I know you do too. So just… just be selfish this one time with me and let’s do this, okay?” All he had to do was say yes. As soon as he was on my side I knew that we could make it happen. Me and Puck, as a team, we could do anything. He just had to say yes.

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WORDS: 897
TAGGED: NOAH PUCKERMAN!
OUTFIT: Pretty Quinn
STATUS: complete.
LYRICS: kamelot
NOTES: hope this isn't too ooc.
CREDIT: javieljones of CAUTION
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[noah puckerman]

There was never really a time where I regretted doing what I did with Quinn. I didn't think there was any point. For most of my life I'd never bothered to say sorry or take anything back. I couldnt change the past so why should I apologize for things that didn't matter anymore. Quinn mattered, yeah. Beth mattered. But I wasnt sorry for putting Quinn through everything. Only because something great came from it. Okay maybe I lied. I was sorry for one thing. I was sorry for making her go through the pain of having to let go of something that had once literally been a part of here. She'd shared nine whole months with this little girl in her stomach and I blamed myself for everything that followed. Maybe if I'd been more responsible from the start, things would be different. right? Quinn and I could have been a happy family with our own little house and a nursery for Beth. She could have had a play room and i would have made sure she was the happiest little girl in - not only Lima - but the whole world.

But things weren't like that. I hadn't been a responsible person. I'd been selfish and stupid. The usual Puck. I didn't think of anyone but myself back then. I didn't enjoy knowing she was upset. I didn't get a thrill out of her being hurt. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her how sorry I was. It wouldn't really make a difference now. What was done was done. Part of me wondered if I'd ever go back to being selfish Puck. Maybe Quinn had only made a temporary change on my behaviour. I didn't want that to happen. I wanted this to be forever. I wanted Quinn to be my forever. I did. I really, truly and honestly did. I didn't know if she wanted the same. I didn't know how to read her anymore. She was talking crazy and I was scared that she was so afraid and upset that she might do something stupid. I'd hold her in my arms for as long as possible until she stopped talking in riddles. I couldn't understand riddles and right now, the only thing I wanted to think about was Quinn. I bit my lip hard, too hard. I frowned at the taste of blood and then shook my head when she said it was nobody's fault. "I know." I mumbled. "But babies can't be born without help from a guy. And in this case, I don't think I really helped you at all. I just made things worse." I sighed and then put my hand on her cheek again, looking into her eyes and biting my lip again. "Yeah well.. life sucks Jesse St. Jockstrap." I grumbled, sighing deeply and then smiling slightly. "Sorry." I laughed lightly for a second before going back to 'comforting Puck mode'.

As soon as I'd said the words. I'd wished I hadn't. She had that look on her face. The one where I knew she was thinking that everything I'd ever said to her about wanting Beth was a lie. It wasn't. I really wanted her back but even I knew that it wouldn't make things better. If we took her back, we'd end up being happy that we had our daughter, but guilty because we'd taken something so beautiful from Shelby. Either way, we lost. I just couldn't imagine what it would feel like if Quinn hadn't been the one who'd had a child. What if it was Shelby and she put her up for adoption, Quinn adopted her and then Shelby decided she wanted her back. I knew Quinn wouldn't give her back without a fight. Even if it was written in stone, she wouldn't. I surely wouldn't allow someone to come and take a child I'd just adopted and fallen in love with away from me. That was why I didn't believe it was right. Plus, Shelby wasn't just anyone, she was Rachel's mother. Even if she hadn't acted like one, she shared the same blood as Rachel. I liked Rachel. As much as I denied it, I did. I felt protective of her. Like I should be there to save her from Jockstrap and I-Want-To-Get-In-Your-Pants-Rachel-Hall-Kid. Sure, I didn't know IWTGIYPRHKid but I knew their type. I'd been their type. A user and abuser. Not..physically abusing, no way. I wasn't one to hit a girl. Ever. I just used them and then left them. Not anymore, I'd given up with high school girls. All of them apart from Quinny. She was the only high school girl for me. Our chemistry was inevitable. Finn wasn't the one for her. I was. I always had been.

I sighed deeply again, irritated by how stubborn she was being. I understood why she wanted to do this but I wasn't going to let her. I shook my head and then listened to what she had to say. I looked away for a second, preparing what I was going to say in my head. "Quinn, look, okay, maybe it is legal but still.. There may be other children out there for Shelby but look at it this way." I looked back to her face, into her eyes. "What if you were in Shelby's position? And you had just adopted Beth. Such a beautiful little girl that had suddenly answered all your prayers." I went on. "Just think about if the birth mother decided she wanted her back. I know you wouldn't do it easily. And I know that you wouldn't be able to just pick out another child and treat them the same. I'm sure that even though Shelby hasn't had her for a long time, she'd still grown really attached to her. As attached to her as you were those few days in the hospital, the whole nine months. I know I grew attached the day I found out." I sighed and then stroked her cheek gently. "Quinn, we can still have a family." I promised her. "And you can do it all again when we leave high school." I told her. "But just understand that right now, as strong as we are together, we can't rule the world in one go.. we have to do it one step at a time, yeah?" I half-smiled and then shook my head at her question. "I'm sorry, Quinn, I can't do that to Shelby." I whispered, dropping my hand. "I want a family with you.. but I don't want to hurt someone else in the process. Do you understand that?" I looked at the floor for a moment and then took a deep breath. I lifted my head to look at her again. "And I'm only doing this for you.. because.." I tilted my head to the side. "Well, because I love you." I told her. Yeah. We were inevitable, alright.

quinn <3. temp to me. banner to me. 1181 words. <33333333333 i LOVE them. c:

[quinnfabray]

` LET ME KEEP MY BEAUTY FOR ONE MORE DAY ,

WHEN THE MOON IS FULL AND PIERCING BRIGHT
! DRENCH ME WITH YOUR INNOCENCE TONIGHT !

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Hearing Puck blame himself for everything that had happened was like a knife piercing my heart. Did he seriously think that because of him we were in this situation? It wasn’t like he forced me into bed with him that night. I may have had a few wine coolers but I wasn’t completely wasted. I was more than in control of my own actions. This wasn’t one of those horror stories where the guy had slipped something into my drink, drug me off to bed and had his way with me. We made out, and I suggested we go upstairs to my room. He stopped and asked me if I was sure, I said yes. I said yes multiple times. Maybe, even way back then in the back of my head I knew I loved him. Well okay, that was wrong. I didn’t think I loved him, but I felt something. I knew there was something there that was more than just a typical physical attraction. It wasn’t like I had made out with a stranger; it had been with Puck for a reason. Yeah, part of it was because he was Finn’s best friend but I swear on my life there was just more to it. It may have been rushed and fuzzy and everything, but it still meant something. It would even if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. Taking his face in my hands I looked him in the eye so he would understand how serious I was. “We’re done arguing about this. I’m not mad at you, I don’t blame you. It happened, we moved on. That’s it.”

Have you ever had one of those moments where you get so many strong emotions at once, it feels like you’re just going to explode from all the pressure inside of you? I was having one of those moments. Puck’s speech blew me away. First of all I was pretty sure it was the most he’d ever said at once in his entire life, so the initial shock came from that. Secondly, the fact that everything he said I could tell he one hundred percent meant with all of his heart. It wans’t just some BS he was making up to woo a girl, he was serious. He was acting like an adult. As he brought up each of his points I kept my mouth closed and listened carefully, thinking very hard about each and every word that came out of his mouth. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. If I was in Shelby’s place I would feel terrible. Wanting a baby for so long and then having the opportunity, getting to know and love the child- which, he was right, would take no time to fall in love with no matter the age- only to have it ripped away from you. It was heartbreaking just to think about.

But.

There was a always a but. Maybe I was being irrational, I knew that was a definite possibility. BUT things were just different in this case. So I told him that. I wasn’t holding anything back anymore, I was telling him exactly what I felt and thought because he was Puck, he was Beth’s father and we were a team. “I know.” I said quietly. “I know it would be an awful thing to do. But Shelby had the opportunity to get to know her own daughter again and she didn’t want her. What if we met Beth when she was older and wanted kids, and then she wanted to know us and we got her hopes up and then just dropped her for a new baby? I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. This is our once chance to fight. It would be mean and cruel and probably wrong, but this is our daughter. I don’t know if we’ll have more kids in the future and right now I don’t care. Beth is our first child, our only first child. And I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to be okay ever again without her.” Great, now I sounded cheesy and pathetic. Oh well, I decided. That was how I felt. Who knew? Maybe he’s see sense in what I was saying.

Then he dropped the biggest bomb of all.

He loved me. Like, he full on looked me in the eye and said he loved me. And he was serious. And I believed him. Want to know the craziest part? He was selfish and rude and cruel and crude… and sweet and loving and caring and amazing… he was Noah Puckerman and I was Quinn Fabray, and I had fallen in love with him too.

I wasted no time at all leaning up and kissing him hard, putting every emotion into my actions as much as I could. When I pulled back I felt like I had stars in my eyes. “I love you too.” I told him, my voice hoarse. “I love you so much Puck. I don’t even know when exactly it happened but I am so completely in love with you it’s crazy.”

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WORDS: 856
TAGGED: NOAH PUCKERMAN!
OUTFIT: Pretty Quinn
STATUS: complete.
LYRICS: kamelot
NOTES: xx.
CREDIT: javieljones of CAUTION
[/center]

[noah puckerman]

I didn't like arguing with Quinn. As much as I loved being right and actually proving that I was clever, Quinn wasn't one of the people I needed to prove myself to. Other than proving the fact that I loved her, I didn't need to argue with her about anything. There was no need to. She was just so stubborn sometimes. I had to deal with that. If we were going to become official, I'd have to get used to her being stubborn twenty four seven. I suppose what we were arguing about right now was pretty stupid. It wasn't anyone's fault. I wasn't angry with the fact that she wouldn't let me take the blame. It was just life, as she'd said before. Life didn't come with instructions. There was no right or wrong way to go about it. Things happened for a reason and I knew that Beth being born and then given away would help us later in life. It would help Quinn because she was experienced and now I felt more responsible. Our insensible actions had led to something amazing. A baby, for one, was one of the best gifts you could receive. In my opinion, anyway. Another thing was my maturity level rising. It had brought me and Quinn closer together. I was happy with that. I just nodded slowly, smiling slightly at her. "Yeah, let's drop it. I don't want to argue with you." I said quietly, moving her hair from her face slowly and then nodding. "Awh, but you're cute when you're mad." I fake pouted for a few seconds and then became serious again.

I was pretty sure that Quinn didn't know I could talk this much. I was sure she thought my vocabulary consisted of girls, moms, football, douche, loser and sex. My brain didn't really make me talk unless I needed to and this was one of them moments. I needed to make her believe me because for once, I was telling the truth. I wasn't lying to get into her pants, I'd been there and done that, I'd told her everything would be okay and it wasn't. No, this time I was telling the truth because I wanted everything to be out in the open. I didn't want any secrets anymore, I wanted her to know how I felt about this whole thing. My day had started with me trying to get away from my mother and sister. It was now on the subject of taking our daughter back? My mother wouldn't exactly like it, anyway. She hadn't really spoken to me much about the whole thing because Quinn wasn't Jewish. I didn't like the uncomfortable atmosphere that occurred when I brought her up so I rarely did. But if I turned around and told her I was going to get my daughter back and have a family with Quinn, she'd probably kick me out of the house. I didn't want that to happen, at least, not when I didn't have enough money to rent a place. I would have much rather waited a few years, left school and got a job which paid well so I could buy a small place for me and Quinn. Then we could start a family. One where I was actually there for her all the time. Waited on her hand and foot. I'd treat her like a princess and our son or daughter would grow up with two people who loved him or her. Because no matter what happened, I'd always love Quinn and anything that came from her. Including another baby.

As much as she tried to convince me that this was the best, I wouldn't change my mind. I wouldn't change what I believed in, not even if it was to make her happy. I'd do anything but change what I believed in for someone I loved. Anything at all she wanted. But not that. She knew. Of course she knew, she was Quinn. I listened to her, knowing full well that after her speech, I would disagree anyway. I frowned when she brought Rachel into this. Rachel wasn't a child anymore, it wasn't like having Beth. A baby who you could build memories with. Rachel had her own memories already. She was happy with her two fathers and I knew that the decision to not be close together was joint between Shelby and Rachel. I sighed and then took a deep breath. "Quinn.. I really understand where you're coming from and how much you want Beth back, I want her back too.. but.." I shrugged lightly. "Rachel's not like Beth. She's already grown up and Shelby didn't see that. With Beth she can watch her grow. She can't have children anymore and we can together. We can start a family and I'm pretty sure we're not just going to forget about Beth. Maybe one day when she's older, she'll want to come and find us. Maybe she won't have to. Shelby might let her grow up around us and sure, she won't belong to us, but it'll be better than not knowing her at all, right?" I offered. "I for one would love to see her grow up, even if it means she doesn't get to come home with us at night. One day, Quinn, we will have a nice place and children who we can love ourselves and watch grow up. Children that will be able to call us mommy and daddy without it sounding weird. We'll have our children. Brothers and sisters for Beth." I promised. "There's nobody else I want children with. Nobody but you, Quinn. So.. don't make things complicated." I whispered. "Please." I added quietly.

She then kissed me and I felt like it was just me and her in the room. I put my arms around her, kissing her back and closing my eyes. I felt happy again, like Quinn's kiss had just resolved every problem in my entire life. I kept my arms around her and opened my eyes slowly when she pulled away, looking deep into hers. I smiled when she said she loved me too. "I always knew you were my forever, Quinn." I whispered, smiling widely.

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[/blockquote][/blockquote]

quinn <3. temp to me. banner to me. 1037 words. OMG. i love love love these. they're so perfect. <3

[quinnfabray]

` LET ME KEEP MY BEAUTY FOR ONE MORE DAY ,

WHEN THE MOON IS FULL AND PIERCING BRIGHT
! DRENCH ME WITH YOUR INNOCENCE TONIGHT !

[/size]
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I knew before I’d even opened my mouth that this wasn’t going to happen. The thing with Beth, I mean. Yes, I had spent the past half hour convincing and persuading and twisting all the words I knew into something that resembled a decent idea; a plan that would work out so we could just pretend that the past few months hadn’t happened and start over, fresh as a new family. But unless Artie suddenly discovered how to time travel in the next few hours (because, let’s face it, nobody else would come as close as he could; it was a simply fact of life. Rachel was smart but not as good at math or science and a few of the other Gleeks got decent grades, but weren’t into it very much. Along with the few *cough Brittany and Finn cough* that could barely pass even with cheating and tutoring, so Artie really was our only bet and even then the chances were slim to none.) the dream of me and Puck and Beth as our own little family was not going to ever become a reality.

To be perfectly honest I think I’d always known that in the back of my mind. I’m not an idiot, and I know the reality of the situation. It sucked- oh man did it majorly suck- but life sucked sometimes. I think I had reached a point to where, even if it was insane and completely off the wall, any theory I could come up with was one to hold on to because it was more than I had before. Hearing Puck’s speech made my heart melt. As much as hated to admit it he was one hundred percent correct. Beth was with her new mother now; she was going to grow up in a big house with a yard to play in and plenty of toys to always keep her amused. Shelby would send her to the best schools and see that she got the best education there was to offer, keep her with a never ending supply of clothes and books and music and anything else her heart desired. Maybe even a pet when she was old enough. But, most importantly, I knew for a fact Beth was going to grow up with so much love around her. From Shelby and her family that was right there with her as she grew, and her other family; the one that she didn’t see but knew her from Day 1; the first group of people she had ever heard sing, and danced along with, and accompanied to their triumphant win at Sectionals and heartbreaking loss at Regionals. The family that, even when things were at their worst, had always remained constant in their love for her: Uncle Finn and Aunt Rachel, Aunties Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, Santana, and Brittany; Uncles Artie, Mike, and Matt, Mr. Schuester and Ms. Pillsbury, her biological Aunt Eva and Nana. And Puck and I. Her mommy and daddy, forever, until the end of time. Whether we saw her ten minutes from now or never again in our lives I knew for a fact that we would love her until our hearts physically stopped beating, and even then we’d keep going from wherever we went next. She would never completely be out of our lives because she would always be our baby girl, nothing could change that.

I had been such a mess this summer without Puck. My head went to dark places I hoped I’d never have to visit again, and the overwhelming sense of grief and loss was so incredibly painful. But now, here we sat, together in each other’s arms, and planning our future. And he was right, seeing Beth grow would be wonderful. Yes, it would be hard at times, but at least we would know that she was okay and safe and happy. That would help ease my worries and allow me to sleep a little better at night.

"There's nobody else I want children with. Nobody but you, Quinn. So.. don't make things complicated. Please."

I could hear the desperation in his voice. It was obvious that this was killing him, and a small part of me liked that. It was nice to know I wasn’t alone in feeling so tortured with pain over this. And what he said was true, we could have more children when we were older and ready. No one would ever replace Beth, but even if we had kept her I knew for a fact I wanted to have more children when the right time came, and I wanted them with Puck. I stifled a sigh as more tears fell from my eyes.

It was time to move on.

Not from Beth necessarily, but from this. The weight and pain and regret of my decision. She was better off with Shelby and it was time to accept the facts that I wasn’t ready to be the type of mom my child needed, and allowing someone else to provide that was a good thing. When she got older and learned about what had happened, I’m sure Beth would be grateful in time. But damn, it was hard. And it hurt like a sonofabitch.

“Okay.” I murmured softly after collecting my thoughts. “You’re right. We did the right thing. She’s going to be so happy and so much better off this way. I’ll stop, I promise. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t stand it, the tension that I held. I leaned in and pressed another firm kiss to his lips, releasing some of the pressure building in my mind and a soft calm washing over me. How this boy had such an effect on me I would probably never know, but if it was up to me I would spend every day of the rest of my life trying to figure it out with no complaint whatsoever.

"I always knew you were my forever, Quinn.”

And people wonder why I’m such a damn emotional mess. When someone says something like this it’s pretty much asking for me to get worked up. Tears glistened in my eyes at the sincerity and love in his words, and I swear I could see everything I’d ever wanted when I looked in his eyes. I didn’t say the same thing back to him. We both knew that was a huge lie, I hadn’t known he was my forever until way after. But better late than never, right? Besides, all that mattered was now, where we sat here at this ice cream parlor, spilling our guts in the center of town in front of any public civilian that happened to pass without a care in the world.

“This is it.” I said firmly as I continued to kiss him and make up for lost time. “You and me, we’re it.” I let out a tearful squeak, sounding like a mix between a laugh and cry. I was so damn happy about this, but sad about Beth, but happy to finally talk about it and be back with Puck, and nervous for what was to come, but excited and determined that we would handle it together, side by side. “You’re my soul mate Puck, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

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WORDS: 1213
TAGGED: NOAH PUCKERMAN!
OUTFIT: Pretty Quinn
STATUS: complete.
LYRICS: kamelot
NOTES: xx.
CREDIT: javieljones of CAUTION
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