-{Teenage Dream}- !Rachel!

[Jesse St. James]

"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away."

The Cabaret Roller Rink was a very lame place. On a normal basis, Jesse wouldn't be caught dead here. God forbid if anyone saw him...But still, he kept coming back here. Something was lingering. This was the place of one of his first dates with Rachel. It had been cheap and rather cheesy, but they had both had so much fun.

Even though it was completely lame, they had laughed so much. They chased each other around the rink like small children, but with a touch of forbiddeness. They were chasing each other, even though, at the time, they weren't allowed to.

Jesse sighed and leaned back in his chair. The lights flashed and the seventies music pounded as couples and families skated around the rink, smiling and laughing- as if nothing mattered.

He and Rachel had once done the same thing.

It was painful to think about her. He missed her so much. He had left her out of fear, out of ego. His spot in Vocal Adrenaline was at stake, and, thus, his chance to be a star was also at stake. Hell, his dreams were at stake.

But there was something more. Seeing his parent's marriage fail had made him paranoid. What if true love never existed? What if all love was doomed to fail? It was selfish of him. He had never wanted to hurt her, so he ended it- thinking it would save her. Save her from a relationship that no one approved of. Why waste her time on him, anyways?

He took a sip of coke as a new single by Katy Perry began to pound in the background. It was a summer anthem. A pop ballad of summer love. He closed his eyes and sighed once more, listening to the lyrics in the background.

You think I'm pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the punchline wrong
I know you get me
So I let my walls come down, down

These things were all true. It was beyond cute when she told jokes wrong. And she did look good without makeup one. And she had trusted him. Trusted him.

Before you met me
I was alright
but things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my Valentine
Valentine

Summer love was something Jesse had always longed for. But, he had never wanted it more than now. If only he could've had a chance to do that with Rachel. It would've been glorious. Full of love and laughter. Trips to the beach and evenings staring up at the stars.

Perfection. Simple perfection.

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets,
just love
We can dance,
until we die
You and I,
will be young forever

You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

If only, if only. If only he hadn't broken up with Rachel. If only he had stayed with her, in Glee. If only he had done what his heart told him too. If only she was here, now, to dance with him.

If only, if only...

Tag:Rachel
Words:566
Song: Teenage Dream- Katy Perry
Notes: I don't know about you, but I feel like this song is perfect for these two!!

[rachel berry]

& I WAKE UP EVERY EVENING
WITH A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE
( and it never seems out of place )

Sometimes, when I go to sleep I dream about things other than Broadway. Unbelievable, I know, but I do. I am not the kind of person to have really crazy dreams (I am super focused in reality and in the sub-conscious), but when I close my eyes, I sometimes see things I didn't know I wanted. Like lemon cake, when I'm not hungry, or that dress in the mall that I could have sworn I didn't want to buy. Or Jesse. Jesse St. James who had put Vocal Adrenaline before me, his loving girlfriend. I frowned as I sat with my laptop open looking at Myspace and the comments on my videos. Some were positive, mainly from people who I had never met before or who had attended one of the competitions New Directions has been too, or I'd met through fan groups for musicals or artists. There were plenty of hurtful ones though, from the people who liked to throw ice-cold slushies into my face and tear my self confidence apart with their bare hands. I shut the laptop and sighed. Jesse would never have said anything bad about my singing, and he knew what he was talking about. Of course, Finn wouldn't either. I slid off my bed and tried to decide what to do. I could go shopping, or post some new videos online, or watch TV and eat cookies and soy milk. I pulled on a cardigan and ran my fingers through my hair, shaking it a little and then sighing, putting a pair of shoes on and walking straight out the door without saying goodbye to my dads.

Once I was in my car, I wasn't sure where to go. I drove round the roads for a while, singing along to my copy of the Chicago soundtrack and looking at the people on the side walks. I didn't see anyone I particularly recognized, but it was kind of fun to guess what they were doing out and what their lives were like. It was a form of escapism, like driving and singing. Some people would ask why I would want to escape from my life, I had a brilliant voice, I was smart, I was dating the quarterback. But part of me longed to be popular, and beautiful. To be able to win people over simply by looking at them, instead of having to put up with the laughter and snide comments. Pulling up at the traffic lights, I saw a place at the next turn in and put my indicators on, ready to pull in. I didn't have my own skates, so I'd have to hire some, but I had some change in my purse. Even if I didn't, it was still somewhere I didn't expect to run into anyone. Getting out of the parked car, I walked towards the entrance doors, humming All That Jazz under my breath as I did so. I paid for my skates at the desk (I had managed to find enough money) and walked towards the seats to put them on. I frowned and tucked my hair behind my ears as it fell in my eyes. A huge crash sounded from the rink when a girl fell over and brought down her boyfriend, and my head shot up to see what it was. And then I saw someone, two seats down, and my whole body tensed. My mouth went dry and my throat contracted and I felt like a rabbit in headlamps.

Jesse St James.

[/center]

WORDS,, 584 w/o code
TAGGED,, jesse!
OUTFIT,, i will make a polyvore when i get back >.>
MUSIC,, brick by boring brick (paramore)
NOTES,, mmm yay!
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[Jesse St. James]

"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away."


BAM!

Jesse looked up to find that a girl had fallen to the ground, taking her boyfriend with her. he couldn't stand seeing couples now- it hurt too much.

Something caught his attention in the background. He saw a figure he saw so often in his dreams. Slowly, he looked up to see her. Rachel. His Rachel. He rubbed his eyes, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him. There she stood, as plain as day. As beautiful as ever. What were the odds?

"I'll never hurt you," he had said once.

They stood there quietly for a moment, unsure of what to do. She probably never wanted to see him again. And he didn't blame her. Maybe he should pretend that he didn't see her, leave her to her peace. Things were probably over for her.

Maybe he should leave, his way of saying that he wouldn't hurt her ever again. Or maybe he should just walk up to her and pretend that nothing had ever happened between them, pretend that he wasn't sorry, pretend that they had never loved.

Though, that would hurt him more than he could say.

His heart racing, he approached her. With every step, his heart hurt more, longed more than it ever had. She was so close, so close. If only he could just tell her. Tell her everything. Perhaps everything could be fixed. Perhaps everything could go back to the way it was.

Reaching her, he stopped and looked her dead in the eyes. He let his guard down and said the words that had been burning on his mouth from the moment he had left in the parking lot.

"I'm so, so sorry."

Tag:Rachel
Words:283
Song: Teenage Dream- Katy Perry
Notes: I can't wait for these two!

[rachel berry]

& I WAKE UP EVERY EVENING
WITH A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE
( and it never seems out of place )

I honestly wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to crawl and hide in case the rest of Vocal Adrenaline were here and ready to pelt me with eggs of chicks who never had a chance at life. I wanted to burst into tears because all the bad memories, the ones of hurt, despair and loneliness, came flooding back at once. And a small part of me, a very small part snuggled deep down inside my brain, wanted to grin and wave and get on the stage and sing. But instead I found my arms snaking round my abdomen, moving to hug and protect myself, offer myself the comfort I needed. When he first saw me, he didn't actually look aggressive. His look was the one that had made me fall for him, the soft, butter wouldn't melt gaze that he fixated on me. My heart skipped a beat, from fear or excitement I wasn't too sure, and my stomach began to flutter. But I didn't want him to see me as weak. Like I was a mess without him. No. I was Rachel Barbara Berry. Fearless. Confident. Talented. I was so much more than someone who grieved the loss of love. I was on the way to winning Regionals, going to college, musical theatre. I had the quarterback for a boyfriend, the one I had chased for so long, one of the most popular males in the whole school. I had more friends than I had before. I received less insults and slushies and more waves and greetings. So, letting my hands fall to my side (but reluctantly I felt my fingers curling inwards so the nails dug into my palm instead), I stuck my chest out and my chin in the air and waited to brush off the cold stare or offensive remark he was about to give me, even though I knew deep down Jesse was a gentleman, just one that wanted his dreams, popularity and acceptance too much, which I could relate to. Although I seemed to show more humility and feelings than he did.

But when he realised it was me, something changed, that sickened me, and yet relieved me at the same time. He looked different to the gentle lamb of a guy I had fallen for. He had been so focused, he knew his talents and he had dreams, yet he seemed to genuinely care for me and he was sensitive and wasn't afraid to show his emotions. No, the person I was looking at right now wasn't Jesse St. James my ex-boyfriend, he was Jesse St. James, heartthrob of Vocal Adrenaline, the guy who had dated me because my mom wanted him to, the one who had let me fall for him and then broke me at the last moment, just to win a stupid singing competition. Well, it wasn't stupid, but at the time it had seemed so worthless compared to the sensation he had given me when we were together. But as I stared at the cyborg in front of me, everything seemed less daunting. Robots could be tough but all you had to do was find a flaw in the circuit. Everything was so much easier when you didn't have to worry about their emotions. But what he said shocked me. I had prepared myself for everything but this. "I'm so, so sorry." And then his defences fell down and I saw the real him. Although his words touched something in me, I didn't trust him enough to believe it wasn't a game. I bit my lip and then spoke. "I... Well.." I said. I frowned when I faltered, my mind scrambling to find its feet "Well, that's all well and good, Jesse, but I don't believe you. Do you have any idea what it felt like? I don't know why I ever trusted you. Pretending to love me to reconnect me with my mom is one thing, shattering my heart is in a whole new league. You made your priorities quite clear, now it's my turn. Stay out of my life." I said, the words rolling off my tongue once I got into the rhythm. Then I went to walk past him ostentatiously, completely forgetting about my skates. I wasn't sure how it happened, and I prayed it was with elegance and gracefulness, but the next thing I saw was the floor. Looking up, I felt my cheeks redden as I tried to get to my feet. Trust me, it's hard when your shoes have wheels on.

[/center]

WORDS,, 757 w/o code
TAGGED,, jesse!
OUTFIT,, i will make a polyvore soon!
MUSIC,, television
NOTES,, muse is high, sorry it's rambly. i love em.
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[Jesse St. James]

"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away."

[/color]

"Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."

- - -

"Well, that's all well and good, Jesse, but I don't believe you. Do you have any idea what it felt like? I don't know why I ever trusted you. Pretending to love me to reconnect me with my mom is one thing, shattering my heart is in a whole new league. You made your priorities quite clear, now it's my turn. Stay out of my life."

With every word, his heart broke more and more. He felt sick. His stomach twisted and he wondered if he would puke all over her. But he what had he expected? Would she swoon and come back to him? That wasn't Rachel. Still, he had at least assumed that after he'd said his apology, she might at least hear him out.

But. He deserved this. He'd been awful to her and he knew it. She didn't deserve to be treated like he had treated her and she knew it. She was a star. She used to be his star. The only star in his sky. But she had certainly been bright. Bright as the sun. And now she was gone and things were pitch black.

She tried to walk past him but slipped. She hit the floor hard.

He was on the ground in seconds. "Are you alright?" He asked, genuinely concern. He held out a hand, hoping that she would take it. It was a literal sense and a metaphorical one as well. He was asking for a second chance, a chance to catch her when she fell. A chance at love.

Slowly, he helped her up and linked arms with her, helping her to a seat. "Are you okay?" He asked again. He handed her a sip of his coke and sat back, worry painted heavily on his brow.

He waited for a few moments. He couldn't look at her right away. It all hurt too much. He loved her so much. Ever since he left, everything felt wrong. The world seemed so much darker, so much colder. He didn't like to look in the mirror anymore. He only saw the boy who had let the girl he loved down because he was scared.

He swallowed hard and managed to look up. "Rachel...can we please talk about this? Please. I'm begging you."

Tag: Rachel
Words:380
Song: Teenage Dream- Katy Perry
Notes: Oh please listen to this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sn_rK5z3u3I. It's perfect for these two! Or the two of them right now. Sorry for the short reply. I felt like I shouldn't continue on until she agreed to it. I'm out for the weekend! I'll reply when I get back! Can't wait! :]

[rachel berry]

& I WAKE UP EVERY EVENING
WITH A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE
( and it never seems out of place )

I saw Jesse crouch down next to me and I frowned, just wanting the ground to open and swallow me up. This was more humiliating than losing Regionals, than being egged... I didn't want him to see me as weak, when I had shown my weaknesses around him he had gone and broken my heart. I had no trust for him, that had all completely dried up. But, I was on the floor and the longer I stayed there the more humiliating it would be, so I found his hand and allowed him to help me up. I missed the way my hand fit inside his, how comforting it felt. If I was honest to myself, I missed every single part of Jesse, apart from his constant need to be popular amongst that army masquerading as a show choir known as Vocal Adrenaline. I let him lead me to the seats, and I told myself it was simply because I needed to get these god-damn skates off my feet, so I could put my shoes back on and forget this ever happened. But inside, I really knew it was because I liked to be cared for by him, it made me feel wanted and treasured. He was so similar to me, and part of me knew that I would always be connected to him, like a magnet. I closed my eyes when I sat down, suddenly feeling the physical pain that I had received from the fall. When he asked if I was okay again, I just shook my head slightly and felt a memory creep back into my mind. When I had met him at the Carmel High auditorium, and he had said he was nuts about me. That he would never hurt me. I shuddered a little and then opened my eyes, looking from him to the floor and then trying to fixate my attention on my roller skates before I burst into tears.

Suddenly, a cup appeared in front of me, and I shut my eyes tight, wincing slightly. I waited for a few moments, expecting it to cover my face like the slushies at school, but when I was still warm and dry I slowly opened my eyes and realised he was offering it me. On one level, I was thirsty, and it looked nice and cold and refreshing. On another, it was his. Jesse's. He had drunk from it, bought it. I was trying to cut him out of my life, and I couldn't do that if I started accepting drinks from him. So I shook my head once more, determined that if I didn't speak to him he would just get up and walk away. Walk away like he had done after he had egged me. Walk away like he did when he hijacked our auditorium. I still remember the way he had looked at me, it was so haunting, it made me feel worthless, that he was disgusted in me. That day, I had finally seen the Jesse St. James everyone had warned me about. I sat there, patiently awaiting the disappearance of the cola, and the hand that held it. But when he spoke again, I finally turned to face him, a million emotions painted across my face. Surprise, that he had stayed, and wanted to talk to me. Hurt, because simply looking at him was like a dagger to the chest. And... love. Who was I kidding? I loved him. I was so dramatic and pathetic, I was Rachel Berry, and I couldn't even get over some stupid relationship that had never meant anything to him but a personal victory and sex. But after what he had just said, I knew I had to say something. I wasn't a mute. Everyone knew that I said far too much, and that usually made them think I was obnoxious. "Since when did you beg to me, Jesse? I thought that was my role. Well, that's surprising, they've been reversed. I'm the cat and you're the mouse. Well it doesn't matter, because I have better things to do, like go see a doctor because it feels like someone punched me in the face. I don't even know why I even came to this stupid place anyway. It's only full of bad memories." I rolled my eyes and cast my eyes back to the skates, beginning to untie the laces I had only just done up. I was so masochistic, Finn would never have done something like what Jesse had done, yet I still felt more attracted to the heart breaker.

[/center]

WORDS,, 764 w/o code
TAGGED,, jesse!
OUTFIT,, clickity.
MUSIC,, bohemian rhapsody- glee
NOTES,, that song was totally awesome, i love him! and i LOLed at the description.
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[Jesse St. James]

"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away."

[/color]

"Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."

- - -


She wouldn't meet his eyes when he asked her if she was alright.

She covered her eyes, assuming that he was about to throw a slushie in her face. It was tragic, really, because this was what she thought of him. That he was only there to trick her and tease her. To win her trust and then throw her to the ground. But, he couldn't blame her. It certainly had looked that way, he was sure.

When she turned to look at him, her face was so tragic, so confused, so hurt. A million emotions, all fighting with each other. A thousand voices in her head, all telling her different things. He wanted nothing more than to sweep in and kiss her and silence those voices. But, he knew that could never be.

"Since when did you beg to me, Jesse? I thought that was my role. Well, that's surprising, they've been reversed. I'm the cat and you're the mouse. Well it doesn't matter, because I have better things to do, like go see a doctor because it feels like someone punched me in the face. I don't even know why I even came to this stupid place anyway. It's only full of bad memories."

He frowned, his face full of pain. "I know. I know I'm sure it seemed that way. And I'm sorry. Rachel...things weren't meant to end this way. I did what I did out of fear. I left because I was about to loose all the things I was familiar with. But now I know that I shouldn't have. I'm regretting it every day," he said, his voice shaking with conviction. "I shouldn't have done those things. It was wrong of me. And I can't apologize enough."

He stood up for a minute. "I'll be right back." He returned with an ice pack and a cold drink of water. "Here," he said gently, handing them to her.

Tag: Rachel
Words:324
Song: Teenage Dream- Katy Perry
Notes: haha. I know, right?! He's great.

[rachel berry]

& I WAKE UP EVERY EVENING
WITH A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE
( and it never seems out of place )

I twisted my fingers round the hemline at the bottom of my dress, fiddling with it to try and keep myself composed and focused. I'd let him speak and then I would calmly take off my skates, put my shoes back on and walk out. I'd drive home and watch West Side Story in bed with a hot chocolate and possibly cry myself to sleep (they always did that in the movies). I looked back up when he spoke again, matching his frown. Of course it seemed that way, I had loved him with all my heart and then he had humiliated me. Worse, he knew I was a vegan and yet he pelted eggs at me. He had found a weakness and exploited it. What had he accomplished, really? He was a strong, independent person that was so easy to succumb to the pressures of his less-talented and frankly inferior peers. Or at least they had seemed inferior until he had sunk to their level and took part in their childish games. What he was saying, although it was what I wanted to hear, sounded rehearsed and meaningless to me. I had dreamed that when we were reunited he would see me and serenade me, then at the end sweep me off my feet and kiss me in that way that bordered on heavenly pleasure. Although I knew I would probably slap him if he did (my instincts were possessive and sometimes uncontrollable), it would be so much more romantic than.. than this. Obviously I had dialled down the ambiance by falling flat on my face and probably getting myself a black eye, and hopefully not damaging my nose. But he had said it himself, I deserved epic romance, and I had thought he would be the one to give it to me. He had a better idea of the concept than Finn.

He disappeared and said he would be right back, and the words stabbed me like a metaphorical dagger. I was a strong person, or at least I was usually, but the fact of the matter was that I mourned my loss for the whole summer and waited for him to 'be right back', without so much as a rebound. My therapist had stayed in the spare room for a while but I found her a little hypocritical and patronising, so I didn't enjoy her company much. In fact, I nearly reverted back to those anti-depressants pretending to be Vitamin D tablets to keep me from doing something drastic like going off the rails and becoming an alcoholic. Come to think of it, April Rhodes could still sing beautifully... I pondered the idea of overdosing on alcohol while I waited for Jesse to return (if he was going to). Women got turned on by bad boys, so surely it worked the other way right? As long as I didn't cut my hair ridiculously short and plaster my body in tattoos and piercings, of course. Jesse sat back down beside me and I looked up at his face, my eyes taking a few moments to tear myself away from it (he was very handsome). I took the ice pack from his hands and put it on my face, realising how unattractive this must look but how soothing it felt. I took a drink of the water and then sighed, drumming my fingers against it. "Thank you, but if that's all you have to say I better go home. My dads are ordering Italian food and I have dibs on the vegetarian lasagna. If you haven't put me off my appetite, that is." I said, taking the ice pack from my face and caressing my cheek with my fingertips, my gaze fixed on his eyes again. I couldn't help but smile slightly, much to my horror, as I felt myself getting lost in them like I had so many times before.

[/center]

WORDS,, 650 w/o code
TAGGED,, jesse!
OUTFIT,, clickity.
MUSIC,, hello twelve, hello thirteen, hello love - glee
NOTES,, st berry <3
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[Jesse St. James]

"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away."

[/color]

"Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."

- - -

He grinned a small bit as she fumbled with her skates. It wasn't meant to be cruel, perhaps just more sympathetic and nostalgic. "Do you need help?" He asked genuinely. His smile faded into an emotion akin to regret. "Honestly, Rachel. I just can't apologize enough. I wasn't good enough for you. Not then. You're brilliant, a star. I was cruel, even I know that." His face deepened into sorrow and regret. "Please. Please forgive me."

She deserved ten times better, he knew. They both knew that. This whole meeting didn't seem to be going the way he'd hoped. It felt like the retribution he wished for so badly was slipping away like sand through his fists. He knew she wouldn't accept his apology quietly. But he thought that after such a passionate apology, she'd at least forgive him, perhaps even offer the hand of friendship- which he would never be satisfied with, but he would take gladly.

"Thank you, but if that's all you have to say I better go home. My dads are ordering Italian food and I have dibs on the vegetarian lasagna. If you haven't put me off my appetite, that is."

The words were cold, but he felt sure Rachel well enough to know that she was bluffing. She was angry, sure. She wanted to go home, yes. But she wasn't usually as cold and as tough as this. She was Rachel Berry after all, an astounding actress. This meeting wasn't going like he hoped, but he still possibly had a chance.

He leaned forward and scooted to the tip of the seat. "Here. Let me help." Perhaps, he thought, if he couldn't reach her through words, maybe actions would convince her. Though, he doubted it. He reached up and gently helped her hold up the ice pack.

Perhaps a change of topic was in order. "How's Finn?" He asked, smiling genuinely, although a slight bit bitterly. He truly liked Finn. He was a nice, caring person. But, he liked Rachel. He was competition. He had often hoped that he and Finn could just be friends, but Finn didn't seem to like that idea. And if, by some miracle, he could return into Rachel's life, Finn would probably never, ever want to be friends with Jesse, no matter how much he tried to prove himself.

Tag: Rachel
Song: Teenage Dream- Katy Perry
Notes:

[rachel berry]

& I WAKE UP EVERY EVENING
WITH A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE
( and it never seems out of place )

When he asked if I wanted help I frowned. Where was his help when I really needed it? When I had been falling apart at the seams. When my whole life had seemed like it would never get better. So I just frowned and ignored his question, leaving my skates on for a while to give the ice pack time to work. I really wanted nothing more for him to go now. I'd made a good job of humiliating myself and that should have been enough for him, at least he would have a funny story to tell his 'friends' in Vocal Adrenaline. But I knew that if he left, I would be heart-broken. Gosh, I hated being a teenager sometimes. Your thoughts were all over the place and focusing was near impossible. Your heart told you one thing and your head another. He stayed, and carried on talking. Begging for my forgiveness. I was half expecting him to get down on both knees and grovel, the way he was heading. It was very out of character for him, usually he was too superior to plead with someone. But here he was, at the cabaret roller rink where we had had our first 'date', trying so hard to get me, his infamous ex-girlfriend, back. "Forgiveness needs to be earned, Jesse! I can't just forget what you did to me, it was life-shattering. Call me melodramatic, but seeing you there. So.. so apathetic. It was like you were soulless. It was like I didn't even recognize who I was looking at. I warned you this would happen. I warned you that if you broke my heart I might die emotionally. You can't be surprised that I did." I said, my voice raising in volume. Some of the tears that had welled up in my eyes spilled out and streamed down my cheeks. Tears made me feel weak and vulnerable. I had been emotional in front of him before because I had felt safe but now he was a stranger. He was no longer someone I knew.

The next thing I knew, he was holding the ice pack to my face. I wished that the ice wasn't between us. I wanted to feel his hand on my cheek. The one that ached so badly. "I don't need your help, Jesse. I needed your help over the summer. After you abandoned me. But now..." I trailed off because I knew what I was saying was a lie. I did need his help. Badly. I raised my hand to the ice pack he was holding and put my fingers over his, keeping them there for a while and then dropping them back to my side. I was a lost cause now though. He'd won me over with his charm, again. The way his eyes glistened in the cheap fluorescent lighting. I wanted to lean, just a little closer, so our lips touched for just a fraction of a second. I wanted to, but I couldn't. He changed the subject to Finn, which was a rather tentative topic. I wasn't sure where Finn and I were, relationship wise, and I don't think he knew what he wanted either. He didn't want to be alone, I was sure, so he had told me he loved me and waited for me to run into his arms. Because I was the only one who wanted to be with him, everyone else thought he was gay now. But I didn't feel the same about him any more. I couldn't mope about what Jesse had done to me when Finn had put me through emotional hell numerous times in the past. Like when he left me so he could go on a date with Santana and Brittany, hoping to have a threesome. Or when he had pretended to love me just to get me back to glee club because they couldn't win without me. When he had told Mr Schuester about Jesse because he didn't want me to be happy if I wasn't with him. Why were guys such sex-obsessed, self-absorbed, ass-kissing jerks. All of them. Jesse. Finn. Puckerman. Jacob. Maybe I should become a lesbian, the whole school thought I was one already so it wouldn't be a surprise to them. "I don't know. At least he had the guts to tell me he loved me though. You told me after you had smashed an egg in my face. How should I know you'd be a better boyfriend the second time round? All I know is that you pressured me sexually. You left me for a glee club. You conned me. I might still love you, but I'm not foolish." I shook my head a little and pushed the ice from my face, rubbing my cheek again. It still ached awfully.

[/center]

WORDS,, 800 w/o code
TAGGED,, jesse!
OUTFIT,, clickity.
MUSIC,, you keep me hanging on - glee
NOTES,, st berry <3
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[Jesse St. James]

"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away."

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"Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."

- - -


He was losing her quickly, he could tell. She wasn't answering or even focusing on the conversation at hand. God. He couldn't handle this. He knew her too well. She didn't want to talk, at the moment, she was probably scoping out all possible routes to the exits. The skates were the only thing keeping her from running. She was probably embarrassed. But, he wanted nothing more than to take her head in his hands and kiss her sweetly. His heart burned and broke with agony. He had to convince her. She needed to understand. But, she didn't want to, it seemed. The ship was sailed. The titanic already sinking. His time had passed. Maybe he should just let her go. Let her run from him. Maybe he should accept defeat and just slowly pass into oblivion. It would be a fitting end to his happiness. His career could go down in smoke. Without her, color seemed dull, food had no taste. Nothing felt right. Without her, he was like a song without notes. A coloring book without color. A boy without a heart.

He couldn't give up. He just couldn't give up.

He was a fighter. He always had been, he always would be. "You're a fighter, kid. You don't give up easily," Ms. Coccran had once told him. And she was right. Years of fighting with other kids, of being bullied. Years of fighting with his dad, fighting to be himself. Years of fighting to the top, fighting for leading roles, clawing his way to the top to be the best, to be respected. Years of fighting and determination. These two things were part of who he was. He was stubborn. He wouldn't give up when he set his mind on something. He just had to remind himself and, more importantly, Rachel of that.

"Forgiveness needs to be earned, Jesse! I can't just forget what you did to me, it was life-shattering. Call me melodramatic, but seeing you there. So.. so apathetic. It was like you were soulless. It was like I didn't even recognize who I was looking at. I warned you this would happen. I warned you that if you broke my heart I might die emotionally. You can't be surprised that I did."

He took the words like a beating he deserved. "You're right. I know. I was wrong. I knew it from the moment I left that parking lot. Rachel." He looked in her eyes, a little of the old, confident Jesse coming back. "I know what I did was wrong. I was an idiot. And I hate myself for it. Every day. I know you're upset. You have every reason to hate me. What can I do to at least get your forgiveness? I'll do anything you ask." He bit his lip and met her gaze again. "Anything. Except for leaving you alone until we can talk about this..." He looked up sheepishly. They both knew he was stubborn. It wasn't news. And she wouldn't like hearing that either.

He smiled, a bit sadly. "I know. You never needed me. Thats why I loved you, Rachel." His smile grew a little bit brighter. "I loved you because you're strong. You know who you are and you don't need anyone to tell you differently. And...Thats the reason I love you still." His face grew sad. "And thats the reason I will always love you." She touched his hand for a moment, cradling his hand. It was a glorious moment, considering how much he had wanted to touch her- ever since he realized his mistake. Was he finally reaching through to her? Was their a chance that he could fix things with her like he so desperately hoped he could?

"I don't know. At least he had the guts to tell me he loved me though. You told me after you had smashed an egg in my face. How should I know you'd be a better boyfriend the second time round? All I know is that you pressured me sexually. You left me for a glee club. You conned me. I might still love you, but I'm not foolish."

The words stung. But, they, again were very true. She still loved him. That was a good thing. He still had hope. "You're right. You are. I pressured you, I hurt you. I know. I can't prove to you that I'll be better. But, I know, inside of me that I'd be better than I was the first time. I was an idiot. I didn't understand how well you deserved to be treated. I know now what I did was wrong. But, if you give me a chance. I can prove it you. I would be a fool to ask you to come back to me right away. But, I could at least try to show you how I've changed. And, maybe, after a while, if I've proved myself we can try again. But. You deserve time. I don't expect you to come back to me right away. That wouldn't be fair."


Tag: Rachel
Song: Teenage Dream- Katy Perry
Notes:

[rachel berry]

& I WAKE UP EVERY EVENING
WITH A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE
( and it never seems out of place )

I wanted to be with him, I really did. I was just a really good actress, something I'd learned after years of community theatre, drama classes and watching numerous musicals, noting each individual acting method I saw. But I wasn't sure how long I could pretend to not want him, before he finally accepted one of those better offers Emily, Horse Face and Andrea presented him with. The longer I acted like I no longer cared for him, the more distant he would grow. The more muted and faded our love would get. He asked what he could to do gain my forgiveness, and I mulled it over silently. I wasn't sure, really, if there was just one action he could do for me to forget everything he had done. I could be blunt and ask him to stop sleeping around, but of course, I didn't know if that was true or not. I could ask him to leave Vocal Adrenaline, but I don't think that would go down well. With Jesse. With my mom. With my glee club. They didn't want him back, he'd hurt them as well when he had left. I looked around the rink, then back down at my skates. They were still on, damn things. Maybe we could just get up and skate round. Or we could sing. There were so many possibilities. I also wanted to sit on his knee and let him hold me like I was a child. Cuddle into him and just forget about everything. But I think I'd get at least few a weird looks if I did that. "I don't know what we can do, Jesse I sighed. "Part of me wants you to come back to New Directions. Practice was always better when I was in your arms. Plus, we're doing Like a Prayer at Invitationals, and I miss hearing you sing your part." I told him with a very slight smile. I wondered if it was a mistake, telling him this. I should have kept my façade up longer, surely.

He kept saying the word love, and I could feel myself flinching internally every time he said it. He had loved me. He still loved me. He would always love me. I frowned. Why it was hurting me to hear him say he loved me was anyone's guess. These words were what I'd wanted him to say to me. They meant so much more than 'like' or anything else you could say. I looked at his face and raised an eyebrow when I saw he was sad. He was a great actor, I knew that, but it looked genuine. And I'd never seen him sad, hell, he was Jesse St James. He didn't get sad! I felt like he was on the verge of convincing me to get back with him. Like I was standing on a terrible precipice and I was about to fall off the edge. But I wasn't all the way there yet, I still had my footing. And then he spoke again, and the ground crumbled away from beneath my feet. He was being terribly sweet. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't used to it. "New Directions will never approve..." I begun, twirling my hair round my forefinger as I spoke. "Come on. I came here to skate and I need the exercise." I said with a faint smile, standing up and taking his hand in mine, pulling him gently towards the rink. There were a few new people there, that must have arrived while we had been talking. I stepped out tentatively, keeping a firm grip on Jesse's hand. I didn't want to fall over again. I felt like Bambi, I really did. It was a recipe for disaster, but Jesse was here. Nothing could go wrong. He'd catch me. I looked up at him nervously, but I still had a smile on my face. The fact he was taller and stronger than me was good, he would protect me. The music changed to some 80s dance song and I cringed slightly, how awful did the music want to be? Couldn't they put Madonna on? I could skate to Ray of Light or La Isla Bonita. "This music is ridiculous. It reminds me of the time we came with glee. Do you remember? I swear it was just an excuse for Mr Schue to hook up with April." I said to him, grinning.

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WORDS,, 741 w/o code
TAGGED,, jesse!
OUTFIT,, clickity.
MUSIC,, someone like you - lea michele
NOTES,, st berry <3
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

[Jesse St. James]

"A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away."

[/color]

"Who am I to break this young girl's heart?/How the mighty rise and fall/I will not be beaten/You have yet to see me shining, shining/I wont take this lying down/I will not be beaten
You have yet to see me shining, shining."

- - -


He watched her as she silently mulled over the question, searching for a solution or, maybe, if she wanted a solution at all. He would do whatever it took to get her back. She was a good actress, spectacular in fact. He was good at reading her, but since she had grown distant, his talent at reading her emotions was growing worse. His confidence in his abilities was faltering. He felt as though perhaps she was simply putting up a front and was hiding behind a wall of pain, hurt and confusion. He could only hope that his persistency would help break down the wall that much quicker. Or, maybe, it could only drive her further away. He worried that she was nothing more than angry and completely over him. In that case, he should just leave. She wouldn't even give him the time of day, no matter how we apologized. When Rachel Barry set her mind to something, she didn't easily let go.

They were very much alike in that respect.

He wondered if she had heard the rumors that were going around in Mount Caramel. Some people were saying that he'd fooled around, even slept in some variations of the rumor, with not only Wynnie but also Emily. He knew that these rumors could have only been created and circulated by the girls themselves. Whether they were teaming up together or creating the rumors in separate, he didn't know. He didn't worry much about it, considering most students at Mt. Caramel knew that Jesse was not interested in either of the girls. Three years of rejecting them over and over again was proof enough.

But, a week or so after the rumors began, he caught word that someone had spread the rumors to McKinley. He knew that there, the rumors about him were plentiful and also, widely believed. He wasn't well liked there, so who was to defend him or check the facts? New Directions used to believe that he wouldn't do things like that, but after the stunt he pulled, they wouldn't even think twice about the rumors being wrong. They didn't care either. Regret filled him. He wished, for the thousandth time, that he could change things. His only hope was that Rachel was smarter enough to know that he wouldn't do that.

"Part of me wants you to come back to New Directions. Practice was always better when I was in your arms. Plus, we're doing Like a Prayer at Invitationals, and I miss hearing you sing your part."

The words sparked a little hope in him. "I know, Rachel. I want to too. More than you'll ever know." He took her hands in his and smiled. "I miss you guys so much. And...I know you guys'll do a great job with that song, whether I'm there or not." He frowned and looked at the roller rink. "But...I doubt I'd be accepted back there again. Much less be able to transfer again..."

She did not react well to his proclamations of love to her. He hoped that there was a way he could admit his feelings more softly. But he hoped that it was for the best. She might need some time to process the idea. Or, maybe she just didn't believe him. And, who could blame her? He'd broken her trust. There was no way that he could prove to her that he wasn't lying. Her eyes searched his face, as if searching for the truth. He could only hope that she'd believe him.

He stood with her, barely believing that this was real. She was smiling up at him. He could tell that she wasn't comfortable, but that this was something she wanted. She was giving him a chance to prove himself and he wouldn't let her down. He stood behind her and grasped her forearms, helping her walk onto the rink, steading her in his arms. He laughed as the music changed. "Well, I mean, it is a cheesy roller rink."

Tag: Rachel
Song: Teenage Dream- Katy Perry
Notes: